Becoming Bella
by BittenInCA
Summary: Set right as Edward and the Cullens return to Forks, Bella has changed can their love exist with the new Bella?
1. A New Beginning

**A/N**

Guess what kids, I finally got a Beta for this little story!

If you have this story set for story alerts or, if you have me on author alerts you will soon start receiving alerts that new chapters have been added to this story.

My amazingly awesome Beta is re-formatting and editing this story and the chapters will be replaced one at a time causing alerts to be sent out.

Once the story has been fully edited up to the current ending I will change the status of the story from completed to in progress and finish this lovely tale.

Thank you everyone!

Becoming Bella

Chapter 1

I'm late again, I stand in front of the mirror in the hallway willing myself to repeat my silent morning pep talk_, "OK today will not be as bad as you think it is going to be, stop being such a wimp!"_ When I finally make it into my truck I pause for just a moment to feel a tiny bit of triumph.

It has been over 6 months since my world ended, no, my world left me. They decided I was an inconvenience, unworthy of their love. Edward left, he didn't love me anymore, didn't want me anymore. At first I gave into the misery, mourning the loss of the reason I existed. But soon I became resentful and enraged. The anger was much easier to deal with, it slowly enveloped the pain until it was suffocated or so I though. It had just been buried deep down where I could not feel it. I finally remembered how to take care of myself.

The most irritating sound in the world pulled me from my thoughts, the first bell signaling home room, "Way to go Bella," I muttered to myself. I found myself in the parking lot of my high school and I couldn't remember the drive. Charlie would be so pissed! Deep breath, another deep breath, _Ok I can do this._

My morning classes passed quickly and before I knew it I was sitting at my usual lunch table sharing a slice of pepperoni with Angela as she told me about her weekend. She went the beach with her boyfriend Ben. "It was so romantic," she started off, "He blah blah blah. . ." I had successfully tuned it out but was snapped out of my meditation when I heard a familiar voice shout to me, "BELLA!"

I looked behind me to see the newest Forks High School, Justin, making his way over. I couldn't help it, I groaned out loud, "Great".

Angela rolled her eyes at me "This guy is a glutton for punishment," she said quietly.

My eyes shifted unwillingly to Justin and I tried my best to make my uncomfortable sigh quiet as he came closer.

"Bella," he started. I hated the way he leered at me, I always felt like he was imagining me naked, or worse.

I cut him off before he could say anymore, "Justin, wish I could say it is nice to see you, but it's not."

"Ahh Bella, one of these days your going to get tired of playing hard to get and just be the bad girl I know you are." He leaned in closely and whispered in my ear, "Greg said you were amazing, I just wanted to see for myself, I wouldn't want to believe gossip."

I turned my face slightly towards him and said, "Exactly what did you have in mind?"

Justin continued to whisper vile pornographic things in my ear, evoking images that made my skin crawl. I pulled my fisted hand back and let it fly right into his jaw, "I'm sorry Justin, you are really one of the sweetest guys I have ever known but I'm busy tonight."

I was intensely aware of the gawking and whispers around me. Angela jumped up and pulled me away, her arms around my waist.

"Bella. . .," Angela started before I cut her off.

"No way Ang, not now don't even start," I growled. I immediately chastised myself silently. Angela was a true friend and deserved better from me. I stopped walking for a moment and she stopped with me, waiting curiously. I could feel the waves of loneliness threatening to crush me so I studied Angela's kind face for a moment and decided I had to say this now, regardless of how uncomfortable it made me to show my emotions.

"Angela, thank you for being so nice to me. I have really sucked at being your friend, but you have been so sweet to me, and I want you to know that I . . . I. . . .," the loneliness clawed at me. Angela's eyes shimmered with tears that she swallowed down.

"Bella shut up!" Angela giggled and I giggled with her grateful for the normal albeit short teenage girl moment.


	2. Friday Night

Chapter 2

Friday Night

"So what are you doing tonight?" Charlie asked still sitting at the table as I cleaned up after dinner. "Umm, everyone is heading out to Tyler's tonight, it's his birthday" I answered waiting for my police chief dad's standard line of questioning. "Will there be drinking Bella?" I took a deep breath and turned to face him, "Dad, I am more then certain that there will be drinking but you don't need to worry about me ok". I watched Charlie's face as he thought through my words and than said, "Be careful and if you do need a ride or if you see anyone who has been drinking get behind the wheel promise you will call me!" My patience began to wane and I got a little snippy, "Dad, I promise that if I see anyone anywhere attempt to drive after drinking, I will call you" and I stomped up the stairs to my room.

20 minutes later I heard a car pull up, _SHIT_, Brad was downstairs already looking like he was going to get out of his car and there was NO way I was going to let that happen, I grabbed my lip gloss off of my dresser and shoved my ID and a $20 in my back pocket and flew down the stairs, "Night Dad" I called out as slammed the door shut.

After the Cullen's left the guys at school started working up the courage to ask me out and after a while I started to say yes, but not to the nice guys, not Mike or Erik but to guys like Steve Winters, Justin Grace and Brad Johnson, guys with reputations for making trouble and dumping willing girls quickly.

Mike had asked me once why I would rather date guys like that than someone like him who genuinely cared for me. "That's exactly why Mike, I explained, I don't really want someone to generally care for me" He looked at me like I was crazy.

I met Brad's eyes from across Tyler's back porch, he took a swig of his beer and laughed with the group of guys he was talking with. He was handsome, his face angular and strong, his eyes soft brown and his body very muscular. He smiled lazily and I quickly returned the smile knowing all the while this would go nowhere fast. I turned back and continued listening to Jessica, Lauren and Heidi swoon over. . . well who ever it was they were currently swooning over and a moment later I felt strong arms circling my waist. I looked up to see Brad looking down at me with a soft smile, "Hey", "Hey" I answered, "You wanna get going Bella, I don't want the police force hunting me down", I laughed and looked at the clock, it was getting late, "Yeah let's go", I said goodnight to my friends and we left.

We drove in comfortable silence and when we got to Charlie's I smiled at him and let him know that I had a good time, he walked me up to the door and we stood facing each other for a moment and he stroked my cheek softly. "I was surprised that you agreed to go out with me" he said, I smiled, "I was a little surprised about that myself!" we both laughed softly. "Why did you say yes Bella?" "Because you asked and I wanted to have some fun and we did have fun". He leaned down and kissed me softly, I closed my eyes and let my mind wander because I am that fucked up and I can't help myself, and when my eyes are closed I see him, glorious and beautiful. My imagination takes off, the hand on my cheek feels cold and unyielding, the lips moving against mine feel hard yet gentle, I take a small step forward and his chest turns to granite against. For a brief moment I allow the kiss to deepen and than I feel him sigh into my mouth and the spell is broken.

"Thanks for taking me out Brad, I really had a goodtime". I took a step back and looked up at him, he was smiling at me with a strange expression in his eyes I could not place. "I really want to ask you out again Bella but I get the feeling you would say no".

"See you Monday Brad".


	3. I Know Your There!

A/N

I just want to thank my amazing beta Ryn for deciding to join me on this crazy ass journey.

In fact, thank you all for getting on this ride with me!

xoxo,

B~

Chapter 3

I know you're here!

After showering and putting on my favorite T-shirt, which used to be Edward's (an accidental oversight on his part due solely to the fact that I had it in my gym locker), I crawled into bed and sank into my pillows eager to relive my kiss with Brad.

My hand made it's way between my legs and I closed my eyes again. Picking up where I had left off earlier, replacing Brad with something better, something magical. I had become an expert at getting myself off since _he_ had left, and it only took a few minutes before I came in my hand, then fell into a blissful sleep.

I awoke with a start several hours later. Something was different. My eyes adjusted to the dark as I studied my room, searching for something, but what? There was nothing out of place, except that I felt _him_ near. I searched my mind thinking I may still be asleep, but I found no confusion or hazy thoughts. I sat up in my bed.

"I know you're here," I whispered and then waited, but there was no response. "Get in here now!" I was shocked at the angry tremble in my voice. My window slid open and he was in my room, standing at the foot of my bed waiting.

In that moment I could not find the anger that was surging in me just a moment ago, all I could focus on was how flawed my memory was as he was clearly more beautiful and glorious than he had ever been when he starred in my dreams. But then I heard him take a deep breath and I realized what he would smell. I could still feel the wetness between my legs, I closed my eyes, embarrassed and enraged. After several long moments he finally broke the silence.

"Bella, please open your eyes," he pleaded. I opened my eyes and when my gaze met his I closed them again and began breathing deeply, trying to calm myself.

"Bella please," his voice was soft and flowed over my body sinking into every crevice, and then I felt it coming. The snap that I had been fighting off for so many months since he left, the snap that threatened to drown me and mercifully end the months of suffering was coming nearer. My sanity was nearing its breaking point.

My eyes flew open narrowing as I glared at him channeling all of my love and hurt into anger and hate, "Don't you say my name," I hissed at him. "I don't ever want to hear my name crossing your filthy lying lips!" I didn't even recognize my voice, it was barely a whisper, but it was distorted with rage. "Get out!!!!!!!" I saw the pain mangle his face for a moment before he moved towards the window and then he paused.

"This is going to sound trite, but I missed you terribly and I love you, I am back for good, for you. . . . I can't be without you any longer."

Then he was gone, and although he had been there for only a few minutes, I now felt hollow and empty.

I sat for a moment, still trying with all my might to hold off the landslide of emotion that was threatening to crush me. Then I did something for the first time since they left, I closed my eyes and made a silent decision. _If you are not here in 10 minutes I am coming to look for you and I __**won't**__ even bother to put on a jacket. _

Then I prepared myself for my second visitor of the night.


	4. Protect Me Tinkerbell!

I was going to change this A/N but then I read my Beta Ryn's note and decided to leave it, as well as her remark's.

Thanks again Rhy, don't let the crazies get you down sista!

Sooooooooo, this story has been my first ever attempt at writing and admittedly I am working out some of my own shit via Bella where it is a little safer!

I will be going back and fine-tuning some of the first chapters as I go along because there are areas where quite honestly they suck because I am super duper new to this. Also, even though I lived in Seattle for quite a while, some times I find myself deleting a lot of Bella text because I have lived in So CA for most of my life and I talk/write like I am from So CA, yes I do say "Dude, sweet and fuck" quite a lot so be patient with me peeps!

Now, on with the show!!!! [I know you're changing the AN, obviously, but I just had to say…"Fuck, this AN is so totally sweet! I understand what you mean, dude!" LOL]  

Chapter 4

Protect me Tinkerbell!

I jumped out of bed, changed my underwear, and ran the soiled ones down to the laundry. Then I went to my bathroom and splashed ice cold water on my face, purposefully avoiding my reflection in the mirror. It was time to face the music, so I walked back to my room. I stopped outside my door and had the oddest urge knock, which I barely managed to resist. I put my hand on the doorknob and twisted, but did not open the door. I could feel it coming, pain, lots and lots of pain. It would drown me. Every second I could delay was precious, but I could only delay for so long, and with that I repeated my pep talk silently to myself once more. _This is not going to be as bad as you think it is going to be, stop being such a wimp. _But this time I knew I was lying to myself. I pushed the door open, stepped in, and waited for the storm to begin.

She stood just inside my window waiting patiently, studying my face.

"Bella."

Oh my god her voice was the most delicious thing I had ever heard. I closed my eyes and hoped she would speak again.

"Ok, I will talk, you listen. Bella, I don't know what to say. I can't tell you how much I have missed you. . ." Then something unexpected happened, her voice wavered, her cool exterior cracked. "Bella, if you want me to leave and never come back, it would break my still heart. But if that's what you need, just tell me. I will do anything for you, anything you need," her voice distorted over the last 3 words, making them rough, even in her light, bell like voice.

I opened my eyes and finally met her gaze. I saw regret, sorrow, and hope there. I felt the carefully constructed shell, which had protected me all of these months, falling away. I had to clear my throat 3 times and still I was mouthing the words more than whispering them.

"Alice, you are my best friend. You're my sister. I love you Tinkerbell. I need you!" I felt my knees trembling, and in the fraction of a second it took me to blink, I was in her cold hard arms. It felt like home to me.

"Tell me what you need, Bella. I will do anything!" Alice's whisper was fierce and reverent. I tried to catch my breath as she pulled me down to the bed where we sat together. She slipped her arms around me, comforting me.

"Why are you here?" I asked pulling away wanting to look into her eyes as she answered.

"We are here for you, Bella. Edward is here for you. There are many things the two of you need to say to each other, but we all miss you so much. The biggest mistake we ever made was leaving my sister, Carlisle and Esme's daughter, and Edward's mate behind. For as long as I exist there will never be anything I regret more!"

I breathed in a deep ragged breath before asking, "He's here for me?" She hesitated, a sad smile tugging at her lips before answering.

"Yes Bella, he is here for you, because of you. I think he needs to be the one to explain himself, but Bella, my brother is in agony. I hope you will be able to find it in yourself to listen, and maybe even forgive him. He loves you more than anything, more than anyone, more than his own existence." And that was all it took, I felt the snap in my mind,

"Alice, you need to do something for me." I said as I began rocking myself trying to stave off the avalanche of emotions.

"Bella, oh my god, Bella, calm down. What's wrong? What can I do?" Alice asked sounding panicked.

I heard a peculiar sound, but I could not place it. It was fading away, sounding muffled and further away. Then I heard myself speak and I knew the sound was coming from me. It was the sound of my mind breaking, finally collapsing under the weight of the emotions which were changing and coursing through me so quickly I could not identify them, but each one was more agonizing than the previous, a brilliant, beautiful orchestra of agony and I felt the blackness coming over me.

"Alice," I whispered, "Keep him away from me. Protect me Tinkerbell," and then I let the darkness envelope me.


	5. Promises and Sisters

Chapter 5

Promises and Sisters

I could hear her calling to me from a distance, "Bella! Bella can you hear me, Bella please open your eyes please!"

"Alice?"

I heard her sigh in relief, "Bella you scared me to death!" My eyes focused on her face and I mumbled "Some psychic you are Tinkerbell!" Alice giggled a beautiful sound I had desperately missed, "Why have you been calling me Tinkerbell?" I started to sit up and seeing what I wanted Alice helped me get upright, "Well, when you were gone I missed you so much that every time I so much as thought your name I felt like my chest was ripping open. I had always thought of you as my own personal cracked out fashion fairy nightmare so I started calling you Tinkerbell, do you mind?" Alice laughed and again I relished the sound committing it to memory, "Well, ok," she said "cracked out fashion fairy Tinkerbell it is!" she laughed again and I laughed with her.

"Alice" my laughter stopped and the pain began to resurface, "Yes Bella?" "Can you promise me you wont leave me again, I mean promise me that no matter what you will always be in my life?" Alice took my face in her hands and looked sternly at me, "You listen to me Isabella Marie, I really want things to work out with you and my brother, but I know I can't control what happens between the two of you but I can tell you this, I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone other than my vampire family. I will never leave you again, you are stuck with me!" she smiled and removed her hands and said, "I will remind you of this promise you forced from me when we are shopping because your closet needs an intervention desperately!" I groaned knowing that I would take the trade off no matter how miserable it made me; Alice was back so my new second home would be the mall!

"So, what time are you coming over?" "ALICE!!!!" Alice arched one eyebrow and gave me her "DON'T MESS WITH ME" look, "You already made the decision Bella, I've seen it so what time will you be coming over?" I felt my lip quiver and I bit down hard trying to gain some control, "You tell me Alice, what time will I be there?" She smiled gently at me, "Charlie is already dressed he will be heading downstairs in 5 minutes to fish, be at my front door 30 minutes later!" "Alice!" I exclaimed glancing at the clock, it is 4:30 in the morning!" "Don't worry she laughed everyone at the house will be up!" I bit down hard on my lip again and Alice tapped it with her finger, "You can't avoid him forever Bella, he is part of you, you are part of him but I do promise you that whatever happens or does not happen it will be at your pace, I promise you that!" I blinked back the tears that I vowed to never shed for Edward Cullen ever again and clutched Alice in the tightest embrace I could manage, "Thank you Tinkerbell"

"So does everyone else have new nicknames too?" I shook my head, "Just Emmett," "Oh! I can't wait to hear this one please don't keep me in suspense!" Despite the anxiety I was feeling a giggle erupted "It's Pooh!" Her eyes widened and she erupted in quiet laughter trying not to let Charlie hear her, "Like the bear?" I nodded my eyes watering from attempting to stifle my laughter. "Oh that is to good Bella, Thank you for that!" She hugged me quickly and moved to my window, "Charlie's gone Bella, 30 minutes!" I sighed and nodded and than she was gone, again I could feel the hollow space in my heart that she left behind and wrapped my arms around my torso in a weak attempt to hold what was left of myself together and than smiled as I decided to focus on my intervention bound closet in an attempt to choose something Alice would not be to disappointed with.


	6. Don't Put Me Down!

Edited and re-posted 1/31/10

So, I had to take some time and do some non-twilight extra curricular reading to find some inspiration to re-write this chapter because I could not seem to get it right. Ook it sucked ass and I am still not to thrilled with it! I read a book of poems by the amazing Pablo Neruda so that I could more correctly anticipate Edward's reactions and articulate what he would say to Bella if he really had to put himself and his heart out there or risk losing her forever. As a first time writer I have chosen to write only from Bella's point of view because First, like many of you I see sooooooooo much of myself in her too. Second, I don't think I have the writing chops to write from multiple points of view but I would like to try at a later date. Third I really want this story to be about Bella. Oddly, Bella and Edward have kinda started "speaking" to me and you will see more of what I mean by that later.

I have not gotten many reviews but strangely I have gotten a lot of questions as to why I have chosen to describe Bella in the way that I have. I saw Bella as a very strong and brave young woman in Twilight and New Moon but I think as far as story arc goes S.M. kinda breaks her down and makes her weaker in Eclipse in order to have a more striking contrast to how strong she must be in Breaking Dawn to stand up to Edward and keep her baby safe and than the ultimate strength she gains becoming immortal. Maybe I am reading too much into it and that was not at all what S.M. meant to do but that is the beauty of literature, everyone gets something different out of it. Anyway, it bothered me how weak and selfish Bella was in Eclipse, she was constantly fainting, crying, etc I mean woman up right!!! This is the path you have chosen and yeah it is dangerous and sucks but grab the hand of the man you have chosen for life, stand beside him and meet it head on with grace and courage!!!

Everyone's Bella is different, my Bella's strength is imperfect and falters but only momentarily because she realizes somewhere along the way. . . . . I guess if you want to know what she realizes you will need to read on my friends.

Chapter 6

Don't Let Me Go!

Thirty minutes later I sat in my truck parked in the Cullen's driveway willing myself to get down but, I am a coward. I set my forehead down on the steering wheel and closed my eyes taking deep breaths. I started at the sound of the door opening.

"Bella?" My eyes widened and without my permission my hand reached out to touch Carlisle's face. He was so amazing handsome I had to make sure he was really in front of me. He smiled at my touch and took my hand in his, "Would you like to get down, everyone is waiting for you."

My heart started pounding and I did not trust myself to speak so I nodded looking towards the house. The Cullen's were all standing outside of the house waiting, all but one. Carlisle wrapped one arm around me and walked forward with me until we stood together just a couple of feet from them all. Esme walked over to me wrapping her arms around me murmuring apologies, she her voice thick with emotion, it sounded like she would be crying if that were possible. Then I was passed to Jasper who gave me a quick squeeze and told me he was so glad to see me again and than Rosalie who took my hand in hers briefly and told me I looked like hell but she was glad to see me again, and then Emmett who grabbed me up into his huge arms and bellowed.

"Hey Isabelly, I missed the hell out of you," and laughed thunderously, I could barely breath but welcomed his tight embrace feeling like I could never fall apart with Emmett holding me together, and then I heard his voice.

"Carefully Emmett, don't hurt her!" He admonished

Emmett began to lower me to the ground but I clung to him tighter searching his face for understanding, he must have seen the panic in my face because he straightened up again taking me with him

"Bella what is it?" Just like that there it was again, waves of pain threatening to drown me, my breath became rough and ragged.

"I can't, not yet I can't, please don't let me go," I whimpered

"Don't worry Isabelly, it's going to be ok I promise, do you want to come inside or do you want me to take you home?" I tried to think through things quickly, the only thing worse than being here right now would be to be home by myself simmering in the misery. Luckily my human body saved me, when my stomach snarled in hunger, I had to laugh at that. Emmett set me down grinning ear to ear and Esme came over putting her arm around me leading me towards the house.

"What would you like for breakfast dear, how does some nice French toast sound?" I smiled up at her.

"That sounds amazing Esme," and I made it into the house without ever having looking his way, but of course that could not last.

Several hours later I was sitting on the couch between Emmett and Jasper my head resting against Emmett's massive arm. It seemed like everyone was having separate conversations, laughing and enjoying the bittersweet reunion. Edward and I each sat silent, I could feel his gaze on me but the stress of the day coupled with the lack of sleep was too much and soon I was sound asleep surrounded by my vampire family.

When I woke up I was groggy and thirsty, it was dark and I was really comfortable, I looked around and recognized the room as Edward's but I was in a very large comfortable bed. "How did you sleep?" I gasped in surprise.

"Edward you scared me to death, what are you doing in here?" My eyes found him in the darkness and I greedily devoured him with my eyes like he was a 5 star culinary masterpiece and I had not eaten in over 6 months.

"I couldn't bear to leave you, and I was hoping you might consent to speaking privately with me" he explained.

"Ok" I answered, "But Edward there may be some things I am not ready to talk about yet." He took a step towards me and sat at the edge of the bed by my side. He said nothing, just stared at me for several long moments and than lifted his hand towards my face but than let it drop. I had never seen him so unsure of himself, so vulnerable. It made me want to take him in my arms and whisper to him that everything would be ok, but I knew that I had no idea what would happen and that made me unable to say the words out loud.

"Bel. . . um, I mean. . . . ugh, I'm sorry, I am already screwing this up!" He ran his hands nervously through his hair. "I want to say all the right things and make everything better, make you understand that I am so sorry and that I would do anything, say anything to take every bit of pain that you felt away and heal any damage that I caused. I am so sorry, I am so very sorry," his voice was ragged with raw emotion and his eyes deep pools of fear and agony.

We sat looking at each other for what seemed like an eternity and in those moments a million thoughts went through my mind, this man was handing his heart to me right here right now and I had to decide what to do with that. Would I reject him in his most vulnerable moment, would I give in to my anger and tell him to leave me alone forever, would I offer forgiveness, absolution, was I even capable of that? Did he deserve it? Was being sorry enough?

I thought of Charlie and Renee, my friends, my classmates, and my family the Cullen's, I thought about all of the things that make me. . . .me. Alice was right, he is a part of me and I am a part of him but what does that mean now?

"How could you do that to me Edward? How could you leave me, how could you say you don't want me anymore, how could you throw me away?" He took a deep breath and stared at the headboard of the bed with great concentration and began what had to be the most difficult thing he ever said by the look on his face.

"I was a coward, I was putting you in danger, my family was putting you in danger and I was afraid for you. It seemed that the more I tried to protect you, the more danger came to you first with James and than with Jasper." I shuddered at the memories that flashed and stuffed them away to concentrate on what it is he was saying. "I hope you can find it in you to believe that I would do anything to keep you safe because you are everything to me, I love you with everything that I am, I would never ever throw you away love, you are the reason I am, the reason I can continue to walk this earth, the reason I exist," his voice pleaded with me to understand.

I swallowed hard at the tears that pricked behind my eyes. I wanted to ask a thousand more questions but I felt myself getting to caught up in this moment. I needed to shake off this feeling so I could make rational decisions. I could not capriciously give into the love that was threatening to take control of my life again, the same love which was the start of all of my problems. "I will be right back" I did not stop to see his response; I went into his bathroom and splashed cool water on my face and the back of my neck. I looked at myself in the mirror, I was pale of course, my eyes were bright and alert I was ready to strike at anything or anyone that tried to hurt me, my chin was set hard and uncompromising, I hated this version of me. I went and sat on the side of the bathroom and took several deep breaths to calm myself rubbing my fingers in circles at my temples trying to ease the tension I was feeling and after several more minutes I felt calmer. I checked myself in the mirror and saw that I looked a little more like myself and walked back into Edward's bedroom.

I sat in the same place I left him on his bed. I walked over and stopped in front of him, he cocked his head looking at me curiously, I reached out and took his hand immediately feeling electricity shoot up my arm, he smiled softly pleading with his eyes and although he did not say a word I knew the question he was asking, a silent yet enormous PLEASE.

That was when I realized this moment was everything, for once I had nothing but possibilities, and whatever happened would be my choice. For once I would live for myself and make sure that whatever happened in the end, I would be ok.

It was than that a new feeling took hold, I felt lighter than air and I could feel a smile spread across my face like the sun rising and warming the clouds, "Edward, I forgive you. I whole heartedly forgive you." I heard his breath hitch. He looked relieved, pained and hopeful all at once, he lifted his arms as if to hug me but I put a finger up to stop him in his tracks.

He had his say, now it was my turn now.


	7. Boundaries

Chapter 7

Boundaries

Edward sat fidgeting _**fidgeting** _in anticipation of what I was going to say and I needed a moment to organize my thoughts. In the back of my mind I knew the entire family was downstairs and heard everything that transpired and would hear everything I was about to say. I wished they would have given us privacy but at the same time I was glad they would hear what I was about to say. It was about time the Cullen's got to know Bella Swan!

I took a deep breath bit down hard on my lip to summon my courage and looked deep into his mesmerizing eyes and began. "Edward, I know you love me, I know you would de anything for me, I believe everything you said but what I can't forgive is your utter lack of respect for me!" He opened his mouth to speak and I clamped my hand over his mouth and kept going. "I know your going to deny it, defend yourself and come up with a thousand reasons why you respect me but having reasons to respect someone is not the same as ACTUALLY respecting them!" I let my hand drop but warned him with my eyes to keep quiet.

"The thing is, I can't completely blame you, and it was mostly my fault! I look back and realize now that giving your self to someone completely and giving up control is not the same thing. I misunderstood what trust means; I thought that trusting you to love and protect me meant doing things your way because you know best! I know now that I created a situation where you felt it unnecessary to talk to me about what you were thinking and feeling, about what you planned to do because I did not demand it and so my thoughts meant nothing to you!" His face was frozen in shock and I think wonder so I kept going, "I'm not the same Bella Swan anymore Edward and if you want to be with me your going to have to get to know me and than we can decide if there is a future for Edward and Bella!"

I turned and walked towards the door and turned to him one last time and said, "I need a little space to think things through Edward, please respect that!" He turned to me and whispered "I will" and I walked out the door and down the stairs feeling my chest ripping open, I wrapped my arms around me once again trying to keep it together, the family waited at the foot of the stairs each one looking at me in a new way, like it was the first time they were seeing my and they liked what they were seeing. I stopped in front of the most beautiful Cullen, "Rosalie, would you please take me home?" Her jaw dropped and I had to smile at the very "un-Rosalie" like reaction, "Alice, you mean Alice right Bella?" "I took a deep breath and sighed, no Rosalie, I mean you!" She looked around at her family with a look that could only be described as panic, "Of course Bella lets go!"

Rosalie and I walked out to the driveway together and we both started to the passenger side of my truck, she looked a little nervous as she turned and headed to the driver side. Once we were in and started down the drive she turned to me "Bella?" "I could barely manage a whisper, "Not yet Rosalie, please!"

We arrived at Charlie's in minutes never saying another word, she followed me upstairs and I opened the door to my bedroom for her and I continued to the bathroom. I took a long time in the shower letting the hot water work out the kinks and tension in my back and shoulders, I thought about my mom and dad, school, homework, anything but Edward and his family, I needed short mental break from the Cullen's. I chuckled humorlessly as the water ran cool and than turned cold, break over!

When I returned to my room Rosalie was still there sitting at the foot of the bed. "You know Bella it would only take us about a day to build on to your house for you! We could add another floor with a master suite on each and actual closets instead of whatever it is you call that!" her hand waived absently towards my closet. "Of course we would also take the opportunity to build you your own bathroom because woman should not be made to share bathroom's with their father's!" she made a tsk sound with her tongue in disapproval. I got into my bed sitting against the headboard, "Thanks Rosalie but we manage ok!" She turned to me and moved further up on the bed sitting Indian style "Ok, well than why don't you tell me what this is all about than since I am all out of small talk!"

I studied this incredibly beautiful being in front of me, she was watching me closely, curiously and of course with a bit of irritation. I took a deep breath and began, "Rosalie, I owe you an apology!" I knew it was coming and she did not disappoint, her eyes popped wide open and her jaw dropped, after a moment she shook her head as if to erase the surprise and than said simply, "Continue please!"

"Well," I measured my words carefully, "I really love your family with all my heart but right now I am having a lot of trust issues with them! I feel betrayed, angry no enraged and I have no one to confide in about how I feel because of secrets that are not mine to tell! I know that you don't like me, and to be honest I have always avoided you whenever possible but you never said anything to me you didn't mean, you never acted towards me in anyway that lead me to believe something that was not true, you were the only one who did not abandon me, betray me, break me. . . . ." Rosalie took a deep breath and stared down at the comforter, "Rosalie, I am sorry that I have not always thought the best of you, I hope that you can forgive me for that and even though I know you may never like me I want you to know that not only do I like you, I love you and I will wait as long as it takes for you to come around even if that is never!"

Rosalie finally looked up at me and to my surprise her face had softened, "Why are you saying this to me now?" she asked softly. I took a ragged breath, "I am falling apart Rosalie, every moment that passes I get closer and closer to the breaking point and I need someone to be here for me, someone who understands why I am breaking, someone I trust, right now you are the only one!"

Rosalie reached out and wiped something from my cheek and I realized that I had started crying; I knew I was getting closer. "Bella, I love my brother dearly and I know you do as well so of course I will be here for you, I will help you in whatever way I can but I want you to know something first." She paused thoughtfully for a moment, "I will not begin lying to you now so I am not going to deny that I have not liked you but I heard everything you said to Edward today and I want you to know that I respect you! What you said to him took a lot of courage, I don't know if I could ever forgive anyone the way you Edward and with kindness at that!!! You showed us all a side of you today that we had never seen before and I really liked it! It is about time someone put my brooding, arrogant brother in his place!" She softened the last words with a smile.

"I hurt him today didn't I?" Rosalie's eyes flashed with anger, uh oh! "Bella, take care of you right now, Edward will survive now that he knows you forgive him, now that he has hope. So lets deal with you now ok!" With that I turned the light off and lay on my side, after a few minutes all of the unshed tears and pain that I had repressed for all those months made their way to the surface and I sobbed uncontrollably drenching my pillowcase in seconds. I felt Rosalie lie down behind me she put an arm around my waist and with her other hand smoothed my hair but never said a word. I don't know how long I cried but I knew that it was hours, my head was pounding, my eyes were raw, and my mouth and throat dry but finally, I fell asleep from exhaustion.

When I awoke Rosalie was still holding me, I rolled onto my back and looked at her, she was watching my cautiously. "Charlie?" "He got home hours ago and checked on you, he ordered pizza and went to bed a little while ago," I nodded numbly looking at the clock, it read 10 P.M. "What day is it?" "It's still Saturday Bella."

I got out of bed stretching my stiff limbs as Rosalie sat up. "Bella I thought you and Alice were ok?" "Well," I started, "I have forgiven Alice and I love her like a sister but it will take some time to get us where we need to be and I needed someone that I have a different level of trust with, I hope you are ok with this Rosalie, I would never want to make you uncomfortable!" Rosalie smiled shyly, "Don't worry about me Bella, I am fine and it has been nice getting to see you for who you really are. You need to start making things right with Alice though!" I considered her words for a bit and thought aloud "How do I start?"

Rosalie laughed, "Now your getting out of my depth but I have an idea, how about a slumber party, you know how much she loves that kind of stuff, you could even let her give you a make over!" I rolled my eyes but I knew she was right, "When?" Rosalie smirked at me, "Now!"

"Rosalie, what about Charlie! I have not even told him you guys are back!" "Come on Bella, your father is the chief of freakin police do you honestly think he does not know that the CULLEN's are back in town? Just leave him a note that your spending the night at Alice's and lets go!" I thought about it a moment and knew that not only did I need to spend time with Alice, I need to laugh and Alice was a certain pathway to laughter, "OK should we call her?" Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Bella just decide if you want to take your truck of if she should pick you up for the slumber party ok?" "Oh right I laughed, I am deciding that Alice should pick us up so that my truck does not wake Charlie and she should do it in 10 minutes so that I have time to get a bag together!" Rosalie laughed and rolled her eyes, "Whatever Bella!"

*******

**A conversation with Edward**

**D sits in bed leaning against a thousand pillows attempting to pound this story out, Edward enters looking of course sullen and slightly angry.**

**D: Hello Edward.**

**E: Good evening D, I was hoping to have a word with you please?**

**D: Of course Edward please sit.**

**Edward looks around confused.**

**D: On the bed Edward, sit on my bed!**

**E: That is hardly appropriate!**

**D: Just sit down, I promise you will leave this room virginity in tack ok!**

**E: Sits at the very foot of the bed looking VERY uncomfortable "So Bella forgave me!"**

**D: Yeah that's great, I thought you would be happy about that!**

**E: Well yes, it pleases me but I am a little confused as well.**

**D: That does not surprise me in the least, as emo as you seem to be you are still a man so tell me what exactly is it that is confusing you?**

**E: Well, why wasn't I able to hug her, kiss her, you know have the reunited after months and months apart living in agony scene?**

**D: Wow you are more clueless than I suspected, maybe you should read the chapter in full instead of just the parts your in for some basic fucking understanding of the situation Edward!**

**E: You have a filthy mouth for a lady D!**

**D: Yeah, don't I know it, the next story I write your going to be a bad boy with a filthy mouth and super horny!!!**

**E: As disgusted as I am I admit I also find it fascinating!**

**D: You will find it even more fascinating when your finally hard as a titanium rod and yes I will do you the favor of giving you a mammoth package! Well, I guess that would be a favor for Bella as well!**

**E: I hope you don't kiss your husband with that mouth!**

**D: Only when he's lucky Edward, only when he's lucky!!!**

**E: So are Bella and I going to reunite soon or not!**

**D: Yes ok, get a grip!**

**More conversations with Edward and Bella to come!**


	8. No Pride

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Sonnet XVII

Pablo Neruda

Chapter 8

No Pride

I sat in the back seat of Emmet's Jeep as Alice drove Rosalie and I back to the Cullen's house, Alice was excited to get my "call" and right on time outside Charlie's house in 10 minutes. "So Bella, what do you want to do tonight?" Alice chirped? I rolled my eyes at her in the rearview mirror, "Why don't you just tell me what you see us doing Alice and get it over with already!" "Excellent, it is so much easier that way! We are going to watch chick flicks, your getting a pedicure and were going to have pizza and I spread out sleeping bags in the living room so we can stay up really late talking until we are totally exhausted!" That was it, I lost it first a chuckle, than a giggle, than tears were running down my face and I was laughing so hard I was bent at the waist and no sound was coming out! "Bella, what is so funny" Rosalie asked laughing with me. "What's so funny, are you kidding me what's so funny well first, you guys don't eat oh wait and also, you don't sleep!!!" Alice giggled, "Details Bella, details!!!"

Alice made good on her threat, we watched chick flicks, ate pizza, I got a pedicure and we talked and talked and talked catching up on everything that had happened since they were gone, and even though Rosalie never really seemed totally at ease I knew things would only get better between us. At some point I started falling asleep but of course that only lasted about 10 minutes before I had to get a drink of water we had talked so much my throat was scratchy!

As I started getting out of my sleeping bag I saw that the girls were gone, I laughed knowing they would be back in their sleeping bags before it was time for me to wake up in the morning. As I finished my hands I found my curiosity getting the better of me and I walked up the stairs to the third floor. I asked Edward for space and he had stayed away all night respecting my request. I walked quietly to his door and paused unsure of what the right thing to do was but than decided to grow some and knocked softly, I heard a soft laugh, "Come in."

I opened the door and stopped right inside the door unable to look up at him. "Hello, how was the slumber party?" I looked up and I thought my eyes would pop out of my head; he was lying on the couch in his room wearing low-slung jeans and no shirt. "Umm, what?" He chuckled and I stared at the carpet, "Oh right the slumber party, it was really fun! I mean, yeah, fun!" I really needed to learn to shut my mouth, and articulate, or just not act like a complete moron! "I'm glad you are having fun, Alice was over the moon when you decided to come by!" I continued to stare at the carpet because I am a coward and asked "Was Alice the only one who was excited that I decided to come back?" I heard him breath in sharply but still the coward I did not look up, "If my heart was still beating it would surely have stopped I was so happy to know you would be so close even though I did not expect to see you."

I finally looked up and met his gaze, his face was so soft and open, it gave me confidence and I walked over to him stopping so close my leg touched his. I lifted my hand and touched my finger tip to his forehead and he closed his eyes, I let my finger slide slowly down the length of his face pausing at his lips which parted slightly under my touch and than I continued letting it trail down his chest feeling him shiver under my touch. When I got to the middle of his chest I stopped but let my hand linger there. "I know that you owe me nothing but I was hoping you might do me a favor?" I returned my gaze to his face, his eyes were open again dark and hypnotic and I knew that whatever he asked I would do it if he would just continue to look at me like that, "What is it Edward?" He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them they looked slightly pained, "I would like for you to please permit me to call you by your name again, if that's ok?" I smiled remembering my anger and demanding he never say my name again, I put my knee on the couch between his thighs and softly placed my lips against his letting them move slowly I could feel my knees getting shaky but I would not allow anything to make me pull away and end this most amazing dream that I was having while wide awake. I pressed my tongue gently to his lower lip and whispered into his mouth "Say my name Edward," he gasped and his voice was deep and breathy, "Bella, oh god Bella, Bella Bella!!!"

Hearing his voice so uncontrolled made my body respond, warmth spreading through my stomach and lower making me instantly wet, he took another deep breath and a strangled moan escaped his lips, I knew he could smell me his response made me feel embarrassed and sexy at the same time but like a recurring nightmare I felt him pulling away. I shoved my hands into his hair and pulled him to me, fluttering small kisses along his jaw to his ear and whispered "Not this time Edward, your either mine or your not, am I yours?" Edward groaned in response "Bella, please you know that I am yours, and I want nothing more in the world than for you to be mine Bella, my Bella." I brought my knee up placing it on the outside of his thigh and shifted my weight moving my other knee to the outside of his other thigh so I was straddling him, noticing that he was still holding on to his self control much to my frustration. I kissed him deeply letting my soft warm lips move over his which were hard and cold as my hands moved over his bare chest shoulders and decided if progress was going to be made here it would be up to me so I shifted my weight until I got to just the right spot and smiled against his lips and I ground my hips down against him and the friction was exquisite, I shuddered in pleasure as I finally felt Edwards resolve slipping, "Bella, you have to stop!" I slowly rolled my hips grinding against him again, "No I don't have to stop Edward, remember, your mine!" "Bella," Edward panted, _panted, _Jasper, he can feel everything!" I let my voice rise just a little and said, "Jasper is a grown up, if he doesn't like it, he can go for a walk or take a cold shower!" "Bella, everyone can hear us!" I finally stopped glaring at him with frustration, "They are grown adults in relationships Edward, they listen to each other being grown adults in relationships all the time so man up already and lets get on with it!" If I was not so irritated I would have laughed at his expression that was a combination of surprise and shock but than my words began to sink in and yeah, he was pissed!

"Did you just tell me to MAN UP?" uh oh, note to self, don't question Edwards's masculinity but I couldn't back down now. "I'm sorry are your supersonic vampire ears in need of a tune up?" I leaned in close to his ear and whispered "Let me clarify Edward, man the fuck up and let's get on with it already!"

The next thing I knew I was airborn, I landed on his king size bed against a mountain of pillows but he was not above me like I expected. My eyes darted around the room finding him standing in front of his couch his eyes raking over me, I suddenly felt like my pajamas which consisted of a tank top and very short shorts where not covering nearly enough. He devoured my skin with his eyes and I had to look down to see if the material had disintegrated under the heat of his gaze, nope they were still there! Edward walked slowly towards me his tongue darting out wetting his lower lip. His eyes were dark and his walk sinuous, almost catlike. He looked dangerous and angry like a predator, and I was his prey! "Edward" I whispered, he grabbed onto my ankles and pulled me lower onto the bed climbing up and allowing his face to hover just above mine. "Did you change your mind Bella?" Did I? Did Edward finally want to . . . . Did I want to???? "No Edward, I have not changed my mind!" I heard a rip and saw fabric fly across the room, I looked down and my tank top was gone leaving my chest bare. I felt my skin flush with heat under his gaze. "Bella, Bella, Bella, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" his head came down and ran his tongue from my collar bone to just below my ear making me tremble as his hand traveled down the valley between my breasts and over my stomach hitching into the waist band of my shorts where they stopped as he continued to plant small kisses over my neck and jaw, "Do you like that Bella?" I couldn't catch my breath enough to answer, I whimpered in response and he chuckled. "Tell me what you were doing in your room the night I came back Bella." My eyes flew open, I was definitely paying attention now, "What???" "Tell me Bella, what were you doing before I got there that night?" I had to think fast, "Um, sleeping?" "And before that?" He asked, I took a deep breath looked deep into his eyes and laughed a little, "I was getting myself off Edward, I was masturbating!" His eyes darkened as they bore into mine and than he smiled a cunning smile, I knew that he had a plan, "You were pleasuring yourself?" it was more a statement as a question, I laughed at his wording, "No Edward, I was getting myself off" I breathed into his ear as I swung my leg around his hip and shifted my weight as I switched positions with him straddling him.

"I liked this better" I said placing my hands on his shoulders letting them trail down his chest, "Why?" he whispered and I ground my hips into him again goose bumps spreading over my entire body with satisfaction from the friction. "Bella," I could hear the apprehension in his voice and I knew I had to take action fast so I raised myself up on my knees bringing my naked breasts eyelevel to him leaning forward until my hands could grasp the headboard I knew that if I could just shake him once more he would crack all together. I heard him take another deep breath and than his tongue tentatively swept across my nipple, my head lolled back and I whimpered giving him more confidence. He took it between his lips mindful of his teeth and than swept his tongue over it again and than copied the same movements with the other as I reveled in the new sensations his mouth created. I lowered myself down into his lap again bringing my hands to the waist of his jeans unbuttoning them and I felt him freeze, his head whipped up to my face, "Bella, please I don't want to do this I could hurt you!" I could see the anxiety and concern, I started to feel sad but than I remembered this was my show! "Really Edward, you are harder than steel, if feels very much like you want to!" I ground myself into him again moaning at the friction. "Bella, I could hurt you!" I became still for a moment bringing my hands up to cradle his face, "Edward, that will never happen, we are meant to be together, I was designed especially for you, you will not hurt me!" I watched as he shook his head slowly, "I don't think you understand how easily I could hurt you!" he said his agony wrapped around every word. I thought carefully my response needed to be simple but sure, "I didn't say you couldn't hurt me Edward, I said you WILL NOT hurt me!" I lowered my lips to his kissing him deeply and returned my hands to his jeans lowering the zipper little by little ecstatic that he was allowing he to continue, his fingers made small circles on my back and I felt like those circles were on fire. I deepened our kiss further and than reached into his pants to touch him, as my hands wrapped around his erection he breathed out a low "_shit" _against my lips and I smiled slightly as I continued, I had only ever heard him curse a handful of times and only when my life was in danger, I was loving this side of Edward!

I leaned back leaving him panting so that I could see him and I froze a little as I saw him for the first time, "Bella!" he was alarmed at my hesitation by I smiled wickedly at him placing my other hand above the first and continued to stroke him up and down, "I am impressed Edward, you are packing some SERIOUS heat!" I could see his lips twitch a little but he was so caught up in the moment he could not bring himself to smile. I brought one hand out to steady myself against his shoulder and he whimpered at the loss the tension around him but I lowered myself against him moving myself against him as a stroked up and down just the thin fabric of my shorts separating us, as I continued to stroke him and grind myself up and down his shaft, as I did this he became moist under my hand, I had drenched my shorts. In the back of my mind I was slightly embarrassed, as I knew the entire household could hear and smell us but I could not bring myself to care enough to stop. It was only a couple of seconds later when his hardness finally hit my most sensitive spot and my whimpers turned to moans, "Oh god Edward, so close!" and my body began to tense, I felt his hands tighten at my waist and he continued to move me up and down at the same pace and his eyes flew open I gasped when I met his stare his eyes so dark they were almost black boring into mine with lustful and almost violent with longing, "Oh my God Bella!!!" My legs started tingling and I began to tremble "Oh god" I whispered and as I came I felt his orgasm spreading over his stomach and my hands. We sat for a moment in silence I was panting, willing my heart to slow refusing to break our gaze and finally his lips lifted into my favorite crooked smile. "I thought you wanted space" he chided, I smiled back motioning between my bare chest and his, "What do you call this!" I answered and he chuckled the sexiest sound I ever heard! My hand was still wrapped around his semi-hard erection; there was no way I was letting go without physical intervention!

He bought his hands up to my nipples and circled them with my lips, "I'm not done with you yet Bella" he stated simply, I smiled softly to myself trying not to look to self congratulatory, the lion had finally come out to play and I liked it like that! "Let go of me Bella," he murmured and I griped him tighter and a fraction of a second later I was flush up against him, skin on skin, he growled in my ear, "Still as stubborn as ever!" I didn't have a chance to enjoy the feel of his naked chest against mine before I was on my back with Edward hovering over me. His eyes were amused; he was enjoying being in control. He ran his fingers up and down the outside of my thigh as I breathed in his amazing indescribable scent he lowered his face to mine trailing kisses on my jaw, neck and up to the sensitive spot below my ear and whispered "I want to pleasure you the way you were pleasuring yourself in your room the other night Bella," and with that my heartbeat took off! He chuckled and asked me in a very un-Edward like fashion "Do you want me to get you off Bella?" My eyes rolled to the back of my head just thinking about it and I am not even sure it was much more than a garbled moan, "Oh god yes Edward!"

Another rip and I was naked and very aware that he still had his jeans on; I looked down at them pointedly only to hear yet another tear and fabric was flying through the air. Edward lowered his lips taking my nipples going between them both teasing and torturing and he brought his hand up to my lips slipping two fingers inside. My breathing picked up figuring exactly what he was doing, I slid my tongue around his cold hard fingers sucking and stroking them with my tongue and I felt his diamond hard erection pressed against my stomach. He slipped his fingers out of my mouth and parted my thighs with his knee stroking my out lips, which were slick already and ready for him. He ran his slightly warm fingers softly up and down my slit and I honestly though my heart was going to beat through my chest and than he took one finger and let it slide into me, my back arched and I moaned clutching the sheets in my fists. "Oh my god Bella, I have never felt anything so soft, so warm in my entire existence!" He slowly slipped another finger inside and groaned at the felling of my warmth and wetness and began moving his fingers in and out while carefully avoiding any contact with my clit, is it possible to go mad from lack of clitoral stimulation? I may be finding out very soon. Edwards hand continued the torture while his tongue lapped over my breasts, nipples, collar bone, neck, jaw, everywhere he could reach tasting and teasing me. I could not have made myself be quiet if I wanted to; I had completely lost control, panting whimpering and even begging! Begging for more, begging for Edward to never stop! He slipped another finger into me and began making circles around my clit with the pad of his thumb as he crushed his lips against mine, "I want to watch you come Bella!" and that was it, I screamed his name my body twitching and contorting around his fingers I felt my lips moving and I knew I was screaming his name over and over but I could not hear it, I cold not stop. Finally my body exhausted and I went limp under him, I already felt half asleep and more satisfied than ever in my life. I felt his fingers slip out of me and he picked me up gently his forearm supporting my ass as I leaned limp into him like an sleeping child and than he laid me back into bed under the sheets and lay beside me on top of them covering us both with the comforter. We remained that way for a long moment before I shimmed the sheet down to my waist and curled into his chest. He laughed softly and whispered, "Ok love but one single goose bump or shiver and you cover up!" I smiled my consent and started drifting off but not before hearing him whisper in my ear, "We will never be apart again Bella, I have no more pride, no shame, no ego, without you I cease to exist, you have saved me Bella . . .My Bella!"

******

**Reviews make Edward harder than steel!!!!**


	9. Ohhhhhh Emmmmmm Geeeeeeeee!

**Guess what kids, I am in ESCROW!!!!**

**I had to take a few days off from writing cause life is a **

**bit hectic and as if life is not enough on its own,**

**the last chapter really knocked me on**

**my ass!!!**

**I wrote and re-wrote the last chapter 3 times!!! As I started**

**on my 4****th**** attempt I decided inspiration was in **

**order!!!**

**So, to bring "Bad Bella" out to play I made a playlist**

**of old Red Hot Chili Peppers CD's**

**Funky Monks, Out in LA, Mothers Milk, **

**Blood Sugar Sex Magic and**

**all of a sudden BAM**

**Bad Bella in the house!!!!**

**The Chili's were really raunchy in their younger years**

**I know that a young woman in search**

**of her sexual confidence would find it**

**listening to Sexy Mexican Maid and**

**Apache Rose Peacock because**

**well, I did!!!**

**Anyway, I have already completed the outline for**

**my next story, it's looking pretty good but, I have not**

**decided if it will be all human or if the Cullen's**

**will be Vampires but I am sure the story will lead**

**me in the right direction, one thing that is certain is my vision**

**of Edward the bad boy will come to fruition!**

**First I need to get Edward and Bella to**

**their happy place but sorry my friends**

**Bella has been badly scarred by the loss however temporary**

**of her one true love and irregardless of how much**

**she loves him and wants him in her life progress will be hard work and **

**made at sacrifice to them both.**

**Anyway, on with the show!**

**********

**Chapter 8**

**Ohhhh Emmmmm Geeeeeee**

I woke up with a HUGE smile on my face, I peeked up through my lashes to see what kind of mood Edward was in to find him gazing at me lovingly, and my smile grew! "Hi," I said shyly his eyebrow raised in amusement his lips twitching, "Hi yourself!" he said with mock brooding. I scooted up higher in bed so I could kiss him; he cradled my cheek and kissed me back but ended the kiss all to quickly. "Time for you to take a shower Miss Swan", "Will you be joining me in said shower Mr. Cullen" I giggled. He swatted me gently on my bare ass, "Get in the shower Bella!" I scowled at him trying my best to make it impressive but he laughed and threw me the tee shirt he was wearing last night, I slipped it on and breathed in his scent, "I'm keeping it. . . and get my clothes!" "Yes ma'am," he murmured

When I got out of the shower my bag was sitting on the bathroom counter. I took out my bag of toiletries; I forgot my hairbrush and that really pissed me off. I rummaged through my bag until I found my phone and started taking pictures of all the items in my bag, toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, face cleanser, toner, moisturizer, lip balm, eyeliner, mascara, hair ties and several other items and sent them via text with the msg, "And a hair brush!" and smiled to myself.

After dressing I made my way downstairs smelling bacon, my stomach began to snarl and I moved faster towards the smell, as I turned the corner into the kitchen I suddenly wished I had taken my time. I sat down at the counter and started counting silently in my head 10, 9, 8, 7, Emmett set a jar of jam down by my toast, "Rosalie?" Rosalie looked up from the magazine she was reading, "Could you open that jar please it must be glued on or something!" Rosalie's eyebrow lifted as she smiled at me and answered "Man up and do it yourself Emmett!" I felt the flush begin to spread, I looked sideways and met Edwards amused gaze, I would be getting no help from him, he warned me.

Esme set a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of me winked "We left to hunt last night dear, I have no idea what they are talking about!" she was sweet but we both knew exactly why they went hunting! "Alice!!!" Edward looked really irritated, Alice looked at me sheepishly "I'm sorry Bella, I tried to distract myself as much as possible but some of it came through!" Jasper walked by and kissed me on the cheek, "Thanks for that by the way Bella, it was uhhhh different, inspirational!" His eyes danced mischievously. I looked at Alice in exasperation, "Sorry Bella!" I took a deep breath "Don't worry about it Alice, I can't say with certainty that I wouldn't peek if I had the chance." I had seen Jasper without a shirt on and he had amazing abs, I knew I would peek just a little if I had a chance and blushed thankful again that Edward could not read my thoughts!

"So what are we doing today?" Alice chirped, Edward rolled his eyes, "Looks like I have a little shopping to do," Alice closed her eyes for a moment and giggled, "Good one Bella!" I laughed with her, "Thanks!"

"So Bella," Edward started tentatively, "I was also thinking of maybe putting another dresser in my room for you. . . I mean as long as you are going to leave a toothbrush here you might as well have a few changes of clothes, if you'd like. . . . ." I took a bite of bacon to busy my mouth for a moment and hedged a little, "Ummm Edward, isn't it customary to start with a drawer?" He scowled a little and it was so adorable I almost wanted to push him a little further to see the look again! "If you prefer of course you may have a drawer I just thought you would want to be comfortable when you spend time here."

I thought about it a moment, I knew he wanted to do something for me, he was trying to show me that he was here to stay and a drawer just wasn't enough. "Fine!" I acquiesced, "Don't let Tinkerbell pick out the damn dresser, I will never have enough clothes to fill any dresser she picks out!" Alice gave me a dirty look and I stuck my tongue out at her in response.

"Well actually" he continued, I thought maybe me and Emmett would just make one if that's ok?" I shrugged my shoulders, "Ummm, ok." As I thought about it a little more I could see this easily spiraling out of control, "Edward, keep it simple ok!" I snapped. "Don't worry Jelly Belly, I'll keep him in check!" Emmett laughed deeply, "Thanks Pooh" I answered shoveling a fork full of pancakes in my mouth. I was suddenly aware that it had become quiet, I looked up and everyone was staring at me except for Alice who had her hand over her mouth like she was trying to stifle a giggle. "What did you call him?" Rosalie asked, I swallowed hard trying not to choke on my pancakes, "Ummm, Pooh. . . .", I could see Edward studying Alice out of the corner of my eye, he would hear the whole story, how I could not even bare to think their names it hurt so much. I became still waiting for his reaction; he walked over to me circling his arms around my waist and leaning into my back "Tinkerbell and Pooh?" His eyebrow cocked in amusement, "Bella, maybe you should take a break from the kiddie movies," Emmett growled grimacing at me. "Must I remind you of the 10,000 nick names you have for me Em? Jelly Belly, Bellini, Belly Boo, Hells Bells, I mean come on Em, hypocrite much?"

The next thing I knew I was in Emmett staggering bearhug his laughter echoing through the house, "Thanks for the nick name Belly Boo Boo, you make me feel special!" I swatted at him and he put me down, as I turned and walked back to Edward I muttered under my breath, "Your special alright, Special Ed!" "I heard that Belly!" I really needed to get some friends that didn't have supersonic hearing!

I wrapped my arms around Edwards waist and looked up at him, "I need to get home," he looked so sad that I wanted to take it back immediately but I knew that I had been completely immersed in the Cullen bubble to long and I desperately needed some interaction with the outside world. "Would you like me to drive you? Edward asked hopefully "Umm, I think it would be better if Alice dropped me off, just in case Charlie decides to come out. I want to talk to him before the two of you see each other again ok?" He nodded his agreement but said nothing and I knew he was disappointed. "Will I see you tonight?" Carefully Bella I reminded myself, "I don't think so Edward, I have a ton of homework to do and school tomorrow," his face feel ever so slightly and I wanted to push his lips up into a smile with my fingers, "If I get done early enough I will call you and maybe we can talk for a while ok?" He smiled at my compromise; he was not fooled but did not push me for further explanation, "Call me whenever you are ready Bella," My breath came faster as the pain in his eyes registered, "I will Edward, I promise!"

Several hours later after a long and unpleasant conversation with Charlie, hours of homework and 2 aspirin I needed get out of my house and talk to someone so I drove myself over to Angela's for a visit. Mrs. Webber told me that Angela was a Ben's studying; I rolled my eyes a little as I walked down the path back to my truck. Angela and Ben were studying each other's lips!!!

I drove down Main Street and stopped at the ice cream shop, I sat at a table outside the shop when my company finally showed up. "You rang!" Alice chimed

"I need to talk, can you keep it to yourself?" Alice thought it over for a moment, "I will do my best Bella but I can't promise, I wont give it up on purpose however, I can promise you that!"

I took a deep breath and thought about what I was about to say, I did not realize how much time had passed but it must have been a long time because Alice was pushing at me, my ice cream was melting all over my hand. I sighed and chucked it into the trashcan.

"Alice, I am afraid that I can't trust my decisions right now, as fun as last night was I know it was way to soon and I am not sure what it all means!" Alice's face became thoughtful and serene as she digested my words, "Bella, you have been going on dates and kissing guys while we have been gone," it was neither a question nor an accusation, it was a statement. I nodded in affirmation, she stayed silent several minutes longer before she continued. "I was glad that you decided you wanted to start going out but I was very disappointed with your choices for suitable dates!" I sighed in frustration, "I knew you would bring this up at some point but I am not sure why now is the time Alice!" "Well, I have a point, I promise!" "Ok well let's get to the point quickly, this makes me a little uncomfortable!"

Alice studies my face for a moment and went on, "When you and Edward were first getting to know each other he told you he was dangerous and bad, you never agreed with his self analysis, in fact you disagreed with him in the extreme! You always considered him as sort of a guardian angel placed here on this earth, just for you!" I still could not figure out where she was going with this so I just nodded, as everything she said was true. "Edward is a gentleman, he always put you first, he was always respectful and courteous to you, he treated you the way all woman want to be treated and on top of that he loves you in a way that a human cannot even begin to understand!" "Yes" I said, all true but?" "I know, the point is why is it that you were choosing to date guys who would be seen as Edward's human counterpart? Guys who are rude and use woman, lead them to believe they feel strongly to get what they want and than leave them high and dry once they get it. Why were you drawn to that type of guy, was it because there was no fear of them reminding you of Edward or was it because they actually did remind you of Edward because you saw them as Edward saw himself?"

I had spent a lot of time thinking about this myself, "There is no simple answer to this question Alice, the answer is confusing even to me but I will do my best to try and explain as it has several reasons, not just one." I took a few moments to organize my thoughts and than started, "Well, I guess the first is the obvious, yes I did prefer to be around guys who were the least likely to remind me of Edward but at the same time they were dangerous in a different way which was a little exciting in familiar way. As far as them being rude, obnoxious and frankly inappropriate I wanted it that way; I knew that there would never be a chance of sending mixed signals by accident. Last, they were a little inspirational to me!" I said with a small smile, Alice grimaced at my choice of words "Really Bella? Inspirational?" I laughed at the face she made, "Yes, inspirational, I mean these guys had no interest in falling in love or even in like! They are complete in themselves at this time in their lives and I needed some of that. Being around them made me feel stronger, like I could take care of myself and protect myself! I mean Greg spread rumors about me that were not true but before that happened when he found out that the police chief's daughter couldn't throw a punch he took me down to the gym and practiced with me for hours until he felt satisfied that I could hold my own long enough to escape if anything ever happened and that ended up coming in handy later!" "Yeah I saw that too," Alice laughed I am surprised that Emmett hasn't said anything about that yet, he is VERY proud of you for decking Justin!"

"So, I guess I understand your thinking however convoluted Bella, but that doesn't explain the kissing!" I laughed, "Well Alice, I am a teenage girl with hormones and desires, I want to be kissed and wanted and lusted after!" Alice giggled "Oh Bella, you are more womanly and seductive than you will ever realize, there is no shortage of guys AND men in the city of Forks with inappropriate thoughts about you, more so even than Rosalie!" I scoffed at her, "Now who's thinking is convoluted!"

Alice's face turned serious again, "Bella, can you even begin to imagine a future without Edward?" I let my gaze wander as I tried to imagine a future without Edward, moving away for college, parties, graduation, getting a job, Charlie walking me down the isle in a poofy white dress I would hate and eventually holding a sleeping baby in my arms, all without Edward, the enormity of the loneliness felt as if it might crush me. My answer was barely a whisper, "No", "Well than" Alice said, "I guess you better start working a little harder at putting this thing back together again!" I nodded as I thought to myself about what that might entail and more importantly am I even ready when Alice interrupted.

"Ok Bella, I already know this is completely inappropriate and kinda of gross seeing as we are talking about my brother here but Ohhhhh Emmmmm Geeeeee if you don't dish about last night I might EXPLODE!!!" The girl was actually bouncing, _bouncing_ in her chair. Despite myself I grinned and leaned closer filling her in on all the details.


	10. Deal Breaker

**I enter my office to find Alice sitting primly legs crossed, her face expressionless but her dangling foot fidgeting betrays her calm façade.**

**D: Alice**

**A: D**

**D: This is an unexpected surprise what can I do for you this evening?**

**A: Well D, I am trying pretty damn hard not to rip your damn heart out right now but I will be honest I am unsure if I will be succeeding at this point.**

**D: Ok then, what is it that is upsetting you?**

**A: Well, Bella and Edward are kind of in a holding pattern don't you think? It is hurting them both and they made no progress in the last chapter!**

**D: I disagree Alice, I think that the conversation Bella had with you was pivotal and necessary in order for her to realize that she cannot see a future without Edward. She needed to realize that in order to commit to a relationship with him wholeheartedly instead of because she can't help herself or her hormones don't you think?**

**A: Shut up**

**D: Laughs**

**A: I am hurting for them D.**

**D: So am I Alice but I have a good feeling about how this is going to turn out although I really shouldn't need to re-assure you I mean do I need to write in a tune up of your psychic abilities or something?**

**A: Very fucking funny D!**

**D: Just trying to be helpful Alice!**

**A: Stalks angrily to the window and jumps out.**

**D: (Mutters) Dramatic much?**

**A: I can still hear you!**

**********

Chapter 10

Deal Breaker

As I drove to school Monday morning I could not stop yawning, I stayed up until about 2AM talking with Edward on the phone until the battery of my phone finally started dying, I need to get a back up battery before I do that again, I could have stayed up all night talking to him. We did not talk about our relationship and avoided any topics that were sad or heavy. We caught up on family news, school stuff and we laughed a lot. Sure, I am exhausted but it's totally worth it because I can't wait to see him again. Edward said he wasn't coming back to school right away but Alice would be there, I did not ask why nor did he offer an explanation, I think he wanted to give me a little more space and I appreciated his thinking of me.

I didn't even have a chance to turn my truck off and my door was being practically being ripped off the hinges, I started when I took in Angela's expression, "Oh my god Angela, are you ok?" She grabbed my arm and started pulling me out of the truck, I barely had a chance to grab my backpack and slam the door, "Ang what the hell?" "Oh I dunno _Bel_ my mom told me you stopped by my house last night and this morning I get to school and there is a certain silver Volvo in the parking lot _and_ I have called you about 6 times in the last 20 minutes and you did not pick up so tell me everything before I totally lose it and beat you to death!!!"

I looked at her for several long seconds and than burst into laughter, she looked even angrier for a moment but than started laughing too, "I guess that little outburst was out of character for me huh?" "Yeah Ang, just a little!" Angela touched my arm reassuringly "I'm worried about you Bella, please tell me your ok!"

I took a deep breath and smiled shyly, "I am confused, angry, excited, happy, sad, in love but one think I can definitely say is I am ok!" Angela let her hand drop from my arm and returned my smile, "I'm sorry I was not there when you needed me Bel, promise me you will call me on my cell next time!" "Ang, it was no big" Angela interrupted me impatiently, "Promise me Isabella Marie!" I tried to reign in my irritation, "OK ANGELA, if you promise to not call me Isabella Marie I will promise to call you next time!" Angela smiled and held up her pinkie, I wrapped my pinkie around hers, a silent promise. "Better get to class Swan, your going to be late!" "Take your own advice Webber!"

I endured the gossip, whispering and curious looks all morning, on my way to lunch a warm arm made its way around my waist, I looked up with a start as Brad leaned down and whispered in my ear, "You look really pretty today Bella!" I stepped backwards out of his grasp as if to get a look at him, "You look good too Brad!" I said as I continued walking, his arm came around my shoulder this time, "So I am going to hang out with some friends at the park after school today, there is a new café that just opened near there and I was wondering if you might want to come along?"

I groaned internally, this was going to suck! "As friends?" I asked looking up at him meekly through my lashes. He stopped looking at me exasperated, "Bella you can't look at a guy like that while trying to tell him you just want to be friends!" "How was I looking at you?" I asked confused, he began walking again and put his arm around my shoulders, people were staring, "You can't look at me all shy and sexy like that and tell me your not interested, it's confusing, as hell!" I bit my lip trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, he was making me feel really uncomfortable so I shook his arm off my shoulders "I'm sorry Brad" I started but he cut me off, "Is this about Cullen cause I heard he was back!" And there was his arm again around my shoulders; "I suggest you get your arm off of her if your intention is to keep it Brad!" We both turned to see a very angry pixie eyes narrowed lips curled slightly over her lips eyes boring into Brad, I was frightened by how angry she looked, it was not healthy for Brad, Alice looked like a vampire!

"Alice!" I hissed as quietly as possible, "Calm down!" Alice shot me a scathing look, I don't think I will calm down Bella, you removed his arm from you several times and he does not seem to get the hint so maybe someone needs to spell it out from him and since you are clearly to polite maybe that someone is me!" Brad's arm had fallen off of me when we turned to look at Alice but in a completely idiotic move he put it around my shoulders and brought me into his body tight again smiling at Alice in a taunting manner if possible Alice looked even more furious for a moment and than her expression completely changed and she smiled angelically at him. I was really scared, "Brad" I started nervously, "maybe you . . ." and than I was interrupted by the reason Alice's demeanor changed so quickly "WELL IF IT ISN'T HELL'S BELL'S!!!!!!" A booming voice echoed through the hall, everyone stopped and stared as Emmett pulled me up into his arms spinning me in circles, I was way past scared into petrified for Brad. "Down Emmett now!" I ordered, he put me down with a chuckle and than his glance shifted from Alice to Brad several times going from friendly to anxious to angry with each pass and than he stopped and glared at Brad, "So Belly, who's your friend?" he asked folding his arms in front of his chest flexing his biceps. I stepped in front of Brad, "Down boy!" I whispered to Emmett, and in a move I can only call suicidal, Brad circled his arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest, "My name is Brad and I am dating Bella, who are you!" he spat at Emmett. I opened my mouth about to tell him to pipe down and get off of me but Emmett's face was right beside mine and only an inch in front of Brad's and in what can only be described as a growl he said "Alice forgot her wallet today Bella," translation, Alice saw this happening as well as a need for his intervention to keep it from going somewhere it shouldn't because vampires never forget anything! "I wanted to make sure she would not have to go without lunch but as long as I am here I can take out the trash too!"

I started shaking, I was frightened, really frightened, I had never seen Emmett this angry before and the fact that he was doing it in the presence of so many humans made it even more frightening. "Move you fucking arm's Brad!" I whispered, but being the idiot that he truly is he answered, "Nope, I am pretty fucking comfortable!" so in a last ditch effort to save him I twisted around in his arms and kneed him in the groin stepping back to allow him to bend at the waist as I knew he would than I brought my foot up to his chest and shoved HARD causing him to slide backwards across the slick linoleum. I walked over and kneeled down beside him, he had tears in his eyes and he looked really scared as he stared at me, "When a lady tells you to remove your hands from her it would be wise for you to show some interest in your self preservation and do it!" He nodded quickly, "I am really sorry about that but it would have been a lot worse if it were Emmett, I know it's hard for you to believe right now but I just saved you!" and I stood up and walked back towards Emmett and Alice, "We are leaving now!" I hissed at them and continued walking towards the exit, "Bye Bye Bradly, nice to meet you, we should do Sunday brunch, call me!" Emmett choked out in laughter. When we got to the parking lot I walked towards my truck and whispered, "I will see the 2 of you at the house!"

I drove slowly to the Cullen's trying to allow my anger to dissipate but it just kept getting worse and worse so detoured to Charlie's but I wasn't sure why, I ended up pacing in the living room but it only made me more upset. I sat on the couch and my angry tears reared their traitor ass heads! "Bella, you _have _to calm down! Oh fuck, Bella I'll settle for you not talking _out loud_ to yourself like a fucking crazy person!" I leaned back into the sofa and closed my eyes taking deep breaths and started laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation that just went down, who would have ever thought I would be capable of saving ANYONE from Emmett! I headed out to my truck knowing it was time to confront my vampire brothers and sister but also, I want to see him, I _need_ to see him!

I pull into the drive and feel the anger rearing it's ugly head, I slammed the door as hard as I could and stomped up the front steps and barged in to find the 5 of them waiting for me. Rosalie relaxed on the sofa flipping through a fashion magazine, Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Edward standing behind the sofa eyeing my warily. I let my gaze roam over each of them individually leaving Edward for last. _FUCK ME_ I wanted to launch myself across the room at him and lick that clenched jaw until it relaxed. I threw a warning glance at Jasper who was smirking at me knowing exactly what I was feeling. I rushed to Emmett grabbing him by the front of his shirt and hauled him over the stairs, I climbed to the 2nd step and then pulled him down to my eye level. "Repeat after me big brother, "Bella, I over reacted but I can now clearly see that you can take care of yourself" say it now!" Emmett smiled at me which really freakin irritated me and said, "Jelly Belly, after what I saw today, I am convinced that you can take care of yourself in most circumstances!"

I recognized that was about as good as I was going to get so I released his shirt only to have him drag me into a warm hug. "I'm proud of you Bella, you have changed so much I barely recognized you today, but in a good way!" He set me down and I walked over to Jasper, "Do I need to repeat that exercise with you?" Jasper smiled lazily at me, "No Ma'am" he drawled out sexily, so I moved on and stopped at Alice. "Don't even start with me Bell. ." I clamped my hand down on her mouth to muffle her outburst, "Zip it Tinkerbell! You know your wrong, you should have given me the opportunity to handle my own problems, and if you want me in your life your going to _have_ to find a way to do that because this _is_ a _**DEAL BREAKER **_do you understand what I am saying?" I let my hand drop to my side freeing her mouth, she stared at me for a long moment and than her head fell as she stared at her feet, nobody ever put Alice in her place, this was very difficult for her because she _always_ got her way, until now. "Understood" her answer came in a whisper, my guilt finally got the best of me and I hugged her tightly to me. "Thank you Alice, you trusting me is more important than you will ever know!"

I broke our embrace and walked over to Edward and stopped right in front of him, I felt so shy for some reason and than I felt a familiar calm wash over me and I thanked Jasper silently. Edward leaned down and murmured, "Are you ok Bella?" softly in my ear, I took the opportunity to wrap my arms and his neck and than tapped his shoulder. He chucked at the familiar signal and straightened up taking me with him my legs circling his waist. "Are you hungry beautiful girl?" I was going to say no because all I wanted was some alone time with him but my stomach growled, of course! I felt a cool hand on my back and Esme asked, "How about some soup and half a sandwich Dear?" _Where did she come from?_ I smiled warmly at her, "Esme I can make my own lunch, you don't have to go through any trouble for me! Esme smiled, "Don't ruin my fun Bella, I don't get to take care of my other children like this!" "Ok Esme" I smiled stomach rumbling. After finishing every bite of my huge lunch Edward took my hand and pulled me off the stool, "Come of sleepy, lets take a nap", my eyebrow crooked and he laughed softly, "You know what I mean!" and we started up the stairs to the third floor.


	11. Progress

**How much do I love you guys!!!!**

**How sweet am I to get another chapter up so quickly????**

**Reviews make Edward curse softly!**

Chapter 11

Progress

It's been 3 months since the Cullen's returned and things have been great. Esme and Carlisle accepted me with open arms like their long lost daughter; Emmett and I are closer than ever but our relationship has shifted in a similar way as with Jasper, they respect me in a way they had never even considered previously. They even took to teaching me little self-defense techniques on occasion, which usually ended up turning into giggle festivals thanks to my dubious balance. Rosalie and I continued to get closer albeit at a snails pace, Alice well, after the initial re-entry issues things between us were awesome, and Edward, oh Edward.

Things between Edward and I are soooooo great! We never did have a repeat of the night that I refer to silently as **The Night My Panties Melted**, we have spent a LOT of time kissing, cuddling, talking, laughing, plenty of over the bra/panties/boxer brief action but this time I am ok with it because it's by my choice as much as his.

Edward came back to school and he and Alice were welcomed back at the lunch table after a few initial dirty looks from Ben and Angela but who could resist the charm of a Cullen trying to make amends? A mere week away from graduation I had been accepted to all the Universities I applied to and even some that I didn't (Dartmouth), but that's what happens when you live amongst sneaky, conniving vampires! After many many arguments with Edward about his paying my tuition at Dartmouth the #1 choice for both of us Carlisle and Esme finally intervened and offered to pay my tuition and would not take no for an answer nor would they accept re-payment saying they would do the same for any of their children and as far as they are concerned I belong to them!

So Edward and I would be off to Dartmouth in the fall but before that happens there are some details about our relationship that need to be hammered out and I intend on bringing out the hammer soon! These details are what I was going over in my mind as Edward was reviewing my trig practice final for mistakes, "Perfect!" he announced, "you are going to ace your trig final tomorrow!" I smiled with uncertainty, "We will see, maybe vampires will hold the school hostage tomorrow and everyone will get A's by default!" Edward smiled and pulled me into his arms, "Bella what am I going to do with you! You do not need some bad sci-fi teenage movie plot to come alive in order for you to ace trig! Your going to do great because you are the smartest person in that class and you have prepared, you know your material inside and out so you are _going_ to ace your trig final!" I laughed, "Edward, you're the smartest one in trig!" "I said you're the smartest PERSON Bella, and you are! Besides I have 2 medical degrees so how could you possibly be expected to keep up with that!"

I rolled my eyes and got up from Charlie's floor where we had our homework spread out. "I'm gonna get something to drink, want anything?" I smirked at him over my shoulder, "Very funny Bella but you can get me something!" I whirled around to face him, "Huh?" "Very articulate Bella," he laughed. "Well don't keep me in suspense Edward, what can I get you I said popping my hip and resting my hand on it feigning irritation. Edward ran his hand through his hair nervously _Edward is nervous???_ "Bella, I would like to take you out on a date, Saturday night, please!" My hand slipped of my hip and I thought about all the things I want to speak with him about, "Just you and I, alone?" he smiled as we NEVER seemed to get alone time, "Yes, just the two of us!" I closed my eyes and silently sent Tinkerbell into action, "Edward, I would LOVE to go out on a date with you but can we do it Friday night instead, there is a party at Lauren's on Saturday and I told Angela I would go with her cause Ben is going to a concert with Austin that night?" Edward smiled, he liked when I spent time with Angela, "Friday night it is!" He hopped up and brought me into his chest lowering his lips to mine softly but I was not having any of that, I pressed my tongue against his bottom lip and his lips parted his tongue coming out to meet mine, I sighed softly and received a deep rumbling moan from him in response, "Edward," I whispered against his lips, "I know" he answered, and I knew he understood, I needed a release but I would not be ready to move forward with him until we talked, he didn't know my reasons but he sensed my hesitation as I sensed his own.

Suddenly I was flying up the stairs to my room he kicked the door shut and sat straddling a corner of my bed and pulled me down so I sat in front of him my back to his chest. He whispered in my ear, "Bella, I want you to touch yourself!" My breath hitched, "What?" I want you to touch yourself, I want you to make yourself come, for me!" I felt his hands at my waist unbuttoning my jeans and pulling the zipper down, than he took my hand and set it in my lap, giving me the choice. I reached up behind me and unclasped my bra than slipped it off without removing my shirt and than I plunged my hand into my warmth my back arching at the first touch I released a loud moan, "Fuck Bella, he murmured into my neck, you are so beautiful," I smiled to myself knowing the lion was coming out to play! I knew I was not going to take long, he was massaging my breasts softly pinching and kneading my nipples as he kissed my neck but there was no way I was going to do this alone so I lifted my ass and shoved back until I was sitting in his lap with his hardness pressing just outside my lips. I shifted my weighted getting his length lined up with me and started grinding my hips, we both moaned at the sensation the friction created even though we both wore jeans, "Bella, he groaned, Bella Bella Bella!" he continued to get harder and harder and although I didn't think it possible I became so wet I was sure there would be evidence of my wetness on _his _jeans.

I started grinding faster and harder and my breathing became faster and than turned to pants and whispers, "Edward, I am so close!" "Yes Bella, please come for me kitten!" and than he put his hand on the outside of my jeans against my hand pressing it harder into my slick, engorged clit and I came, in a silent hard shudder, whispering his name. Once I was able to think semi coherently again I resumed grinding my hips into him faster and harder than before, he growled and groaned my name and more obscenities until I finally felt his entire body stiffen against mine and shake uncontrollably, "Mine!" he whispered over and over and over until the shaking subsided. We stayed in that position until my breathing and heart rate returned to normal and than he groaned in exasperation. "What's wrong, I asked, he laughed softly, "I'm never getting back into the house without everyone knowing exactly what I was doing!" I laughed with him happy I would get to skip that this time, "Yeah, you need to get over that Edward, I mean how many times have you had to put up with all of them?" Edward groaned again, "Too may times, way too many times, I would just prefer a little more privacy!"

I got up and buttoned my jeans and than sat beside him. "So Friday night right? I said, he kissed the sensitive spot under my ear, "Pick you up at 7 if that's alright?" "Perfect!" I answered and kissed him deeply he groaned ending the kiss, "Bella!" he whispered, your going to drive me to insanity!" and before I got my eyes all the way open, he was gone. "Coward!" I muttered and I heard his ghostly laugh from outside my window. I smiled and decided it would be a good idea to take a shower before Charlie got home.


	12. Perfect

**Chapter 12**

**Perfect**

The week passed with incredible speed, Edward was right about my Trig final, I was the first "_person"_ to finish and I felt completely confident. My last final was this morning and the graduation ceremony is next Wednesday night. As I walked out of the locker room after gym I was surprised to see Alice waiting there instead of Edward. "Hey Al, what are you doing here?" Alice looked at me exasperated and grabbed my arm pulling me forward with her, "Look Bella you have agreed to a 7PM pick up time, it is almost 3 o'clock now which does not leave me a ton of time to get you ready for your date!

I sighed remembering I asked for her help, "Ok Tink, I'm all yours!"

An hour later after a mani/pedi we were on our way to Charlie's, I felt a little smug at having compromised my way into soft pink fingernail polish. My toes were a sparkly redish pink of Alice's choosing. Charlie's cruiser was parked in the driveway when we arrived but upon seeing the single minded determination upon Alice's face and the plea for help on my own he gruffly excused himself saying something about a bar showing the game on satellite and made a hasty exit.

After showering and putting on my robe I was settled into a kitchen chair next to what used to be the kitchen table. I am sure the kitchen table was still there somewhere I just could not see it anymore under the mountains of hair and beauty products Alice had spread out. I closed my eyes and dosed off waking every once in a while to commands of "Suck in your cheeks, pucker, look up, look down," and finally, "Ok, let's get you dressed!"

I opened the door to my bedroom and saw a garment bag sitting next to the scariest matching panties, bra and slip I had ever seen. I felt the flush of anger creeping over my body and up to my face, "Alice under no circumstances under the sun will I be putting, _that, those _on! No freakin way!!!"

Alice looked at me very calmly and started "Bella, I know exactly what you have planned for tonight, unfortunately I have seen it!" She grumbled and I knew that if it were possible for her to blush she would be now. "Just try them on, it you still hate them you don't have to wear them!" I fingered the delicate lace thinking to myself, its just material what could be so scary right?

"No way Tink, not going to happen first of all I need to be calm and have my wits about me tonight, that's not going to happen if all I am thinking about is _this_ being very uncomfortably wedged UP MY ASS all night!"

She looked at me exasperated "Fine I brought back ups!" she spat out taking a bag from beside the bag pulling out more filmy scant fabric. "This is really cute!" she gushed seemingly over her tantrum. She help up the pink bikini panties and matching camisole made of delicate lace. "That is so beautiful Alice but where is the bra?" "Bella, there is no bra and news flash you are 18 years old they fly high and dry!" she snorted. I rolled my eyes in response, "I know that Alice! I could feel the blush coming on. "Oh this should be good" Alice started bouncing, "What is it???" I stared down at my feet and started "Well, that time at the house, I was wearing a camisole, so I would like to switch it up a little this time." I could feel the heat on my face; I knew I looked like a tomato.

Alice flopped down on my bed, "Bella when are you going to learn that you can tell me absolutely anything! You don't ever have to be embarrassed with me! I mean how many times did you cover for me and Jasper while we snuck into the janitors closet at school, or the bathroom at the coffee shop, or," "Ok Alice, I get the point! And thank you, you have no idea how much I need you!" She looked deliberately at my closet "Yes I do!" she giggled.

She hopped up and grabbed at the bag, "This will be perfect!" she threw the smooth silky fabric at me. I held up the white satiny corset with ribbon that criss crossed up the front ending just under the bust line where the material went into a V where I am sure that even with my meager materials it would create cleavage. "Alice" I whispered. "I know," she answered handing me the matching panties. They were boy cut cheekies, a V yoke made of the same material as the corset the rest a delicate lace. "Perfect" I smiled at her, getting her answering smile.

"Ok put it on we only have 20 minutes left!"

I discarded my robe and put on the panties needing Alice's help with the corset. As she moved to the garment bag I decided to ask her about something I had been wondering about all week. "Hey Alice, have you ever heard Edward call me _Kitten_?" "No," she giggled. "Hmmm, I was jus wondering cause the last time we were _close_, he called me Kitten." "Oh you mean the time you made him blow his load in his pants and than sent him home skulking?" I rolled my eyes at her, "Yes Alice that time!" "Thanks for that by the way Bells, he actually came in through his window and went straight to the shower!" We stared at each other for a moment and than burst into laughter as she began helping me into my dress, But it makes sense that he called you that!" "Why is that?" I asked almost shyly. Well, ever since you started standing up for yourself and setting all these boundaries, he has taken to calling you Tiger, I guess when you guys are having your "_close_" time you are more vulnerable and he thinks of you as more of a kitten. That's really adorable Bella, I really didn't think my brother had it in him!" I smiled at the revelation just as the zipper went up and I felt Alice slipping strappy wedge sandals on my feet and I sighed. "At least their wedges Bella, even you can walk in those!" and with that she walked me over to the mirror where I went silent. "Oh my god Bella do you hate it cause I brought other dresses!" "Shhhhhhhhh" I answered. My hair was stick straight in a ponytail that fell just above my waist, soft gold and peach on my eyelids which were lined and smoky with a thick fring of lashes, my lips a glossy soft pink. The dress was strapless black ruched from neck to hemline ending just below my knees and softly hugging the curves of my body the dark fabric made my pale skin glow. "Alice, I.. Oh.. It" My hand involuntarily reached out towards the mirror as to touch a phantom woman in front to me and than I heard Alice giggle. "Perfect?" she asked, "Perfect!" I answered hugging her to me. She stepped back and took a poof out of a pretty pink box and dusted over my décolletage arms and legs leaving a faint shimmer behind and than thrust a cashmere wrap into my hands along with a small evening bag.

"He will be here in 2 minutes Bella, I have to go now so I don't ruin any of the surprises, not all of us have a cement mind block to Edward like you do!"

"Alice" I said.

"I know Bella" she answered and flew out the window.

I stood staring at myself in the mirror unable to accept that it was my own reflection looking back at me when I heard a soft knock at the door.

I shut off the light and made my way downstairs taking a deep breath before I opened the door my mouth gaping. Edward stood before me looking like an Angel in a dark suit, he wore no tie leaving the top buttons undone and it took every bit of self restraint I had to not jump on him, wrap my legs around his waist and lick that spot where his shirt was undone.

"Bella," he whispered, "You are the most beautiful thing in my world!" I smiled shyly, "You look pretty amazing yourself Edward" I answered.

I stepped aside and he joined me in Charlie's small hallway shutting the door behind him. "Bella, I have something for you and it would be really nice if you could be gracious" he murmured. "Ok" I answered hesitantly and he took a large velvet box that he had hidden underneath the coat he had draped over his arm and handed it to me. I stared at it for a moment, trying hard not to think of the price tag associated with whatever was inside that box. Edward reached over and opened the box without removing it from my hands. Inside was a delicate pair of black and white diamond hoop earrings. Between the earrings was a necklace made of alternating black and white diamond rings linked one through the other. As I fingered the precious gems I thought back to a time when I would have become so angry at such an extravagant gift feeling self conscious and unworthy. Now I had to fight the urge to look up into his eyes because I knew that what I would see there would be love and it would bring tears to my eyes. This man loved me with everything he had and wanted to give me the world but had settled for this, what he considered a paltry offering in comparison to what he felt and everything he wanted to give me. My reaction to this gift would set the tone of the evening; I walked over the hall table and set the box down so I could put the earrings on. I took the necklace out of the box and offered it to him, "Edward, will you help me?" He took the necklace and I turned my back to him, he clasped the necklace and kissed my neck softly sending heat through my entire body. "Edward," I started but he cut me off, "Bella, please please please do not say thank you! You have no idea how happy it makes me to do this for you, it would be sinful to have your gratitude as well!" Alright than I said standing on my tip toes to kiss him softly on his lips. "For the love of all that is holy!!!" he muttered, "Edward? What's wrong?" He sighed in frustration, "Open the door Bella!" I walked over to the door and opened it to find his family waiting on my porch; I must have looked really confused because they all started laughing.

Esme stepped forward, "Bella, when Alice was describing how beautiful you look tonight we could not let you get away before we saw you for ourselves and maybe even took a few pictures!" she said sheepishly, I laughed softly and looked back at Edward who had my things in his hands and was locking the door. "Ummm, ok," I said. Edward handed my things to Rosalie and came to stand by my side, his arm circled my waist and he pulled me tightly into him as Esme's flash started going off. My cheeks were hurting from smiling so much but I couldn't help myself, I was so happy! After a few minutes Edward started to get a little impatient, "Mom, we have to go!!!" Esme laughed at the slight whine and came over to kiss us each on the cheek, "Have a wonderful evening my children" she smiled warmly at us and stepped back, Carlisle came and embraced me, "Bella you are absolutely breathtaking!" he stated assuredly and than gave Edward a knowing look. Edward tugged me towards Carlisle's Mercedes, "Good night everyone!" Edward called to them, "Good night!" I echoed as I slid into the car.

Edward slid in beside me and I asked, "So, do I get to know where we are going?" Edward smiled crookedly at me and my heart liquefied in my chest, "Seattle" he answered, "Hmmm, anywhere in particular in Seattle?" I qualified? "Yes" he answered closing the subject.

We of course made it to Seattle in record time driving up to a very swanky hotel downtown. My door was opened and a man in an old fashioned looking bellman's uniform offered me his hand, "Welcome to the Fairmont Olympic Hotel Miss" he said, "Thank you!" I smiled widely at him accepting his assistance out of the car. Edward came around the car and pulled me tight against his body, "You know you really shouldn't do that to people!" he said with a disapproving look. "Do what?" I asked confused, "Dazzle people!" he answered with a wide smile and we laughed together at the memory of when I first said those words to him. "Am I dazzling you now Edward?" I asked coyly. He brought bowed my roughly into his body kissing my hard leaving me breathless, "Frequently!" he answered.

We continued to the front desk where he simply said "Cullen" to the woman at the front desk. "Certainly Mr. Cullen she answered typing into her computer and than handing him a key. The elevator is right behind you and I think you will find we explicitly followed your instructions, if there is anything else you need please let us know we are more than happy to accommodate you!" "Thank you" Edward replied, "Have a good evening Mr. and Mrs. Cullen" she said in parting making me blush. As he elevator doors closed behind us Edward leaned down and kissed me on my neck whispering; "I could get used to that!" "Get used to what?" I asked. "Mr. and Mrs. Cullen," he replied, I looked up at him to find his eyes burning with such strong emotion it rendered me speechless, I kissed his jaw and wrapped my arms around his waist.

We exited the elevator, which took us to the top floor, and there was a man waiting for us, "Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Cullen" he smiled. My name is Laurent and I will be your butler during your stay here. You will find a button on the phone which rings me directly and if there is anything you need please call me!" "Thank you Laurent" Edward answered. "May I offer you a tour of your suite Mr. and Mrs. Cullen?" I could feel Edward swell more and more every time the butler referred to us and Mr. and Mrs. "Thank you Laurent but that will not be necessary." "Very well then, I will bid you goodnight!" "Good night Laurent," I smiled shyly.

Edward let us into the suite and my jaw dropped in shock, the suite was bigger than Charlie's house! I began walking through taking my wrap off and leaving it in a chair with my purse. I turned to look at him, "2 bedrooms?" He shuffled his feet again nervously making me feel suddenly confident. "I did not want to be presumptuous Bella," he said quietly. I walked over to him and cradled his face in my hands, "Always the gentleman Edward," I whispered, we'll see what we can do about that I said wrapping my arms around his neck and tapping his shoulder. He circled his arms around my waist and picked me up, I planted soft kisses from his neck to his ear and along his jaw and than pressed my lips hard into his and was rewarded with a throaty groan. "Bella!" he whispered hoarsely, "Yes," I giggled and then there was a knock on he door, I groaned as he set me down, "Get rid of them!" I hissed!!! Edward chuckled as he answered the door.

A man with a tall white hat and apron on greeted Edward warmly, "Mr. Cullen," he said warmly "My name is Chef Stephenson, I am the head chef here at the Fairmont, may I bring in your dinner? "Please chef" Edward gestured with his hand as the man walked in followed by a man rolling a cart in and 2 others carrying various items. They walked to the dining area setting the table for 2 (ha ha) and were done in record time. Once the table was set Chef Stephenson gestured for us to sit. He than began telling us about the 6 course dinner he prepared expressly for us detailing each dish but I did not hear a word because I could not tear my eyes or thoughts away from Edward. He was so beautiful and mind for the taking, all I had to do was say the words he was waiting to hear, make the commitment that needed to be made. "Bella!" I looked around surprised to find us alone again. "Where did they go?" I asked confused, "They left a moment just a moment ago, I think Chef Stephenson found you to be fairly amusing!" he chuckled.

"Well," I said looking down at my plate, the steak smelled amazing! "Let's eat!" I said meeting his gaze and we both laughed.


	13. The Date

**I Crave Your Mouth, Your Voice, Your Hair**

**Don't leave me, even for an hour, because**

**then the little drops of anguish will all run together,**

**the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift**

**into me, choking my lost heart.**

**Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;**

**may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.**

**Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,**

**because in that moment you'll have gone so far**

**I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,**

**Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?**

**Pablo Neruda**

Chapter 13

The Date

_Put All You're Shit On The Table!_

As I ate we talked about school, Charlie, Renee, school friends and basically things of no consequence. As he set the most decadent looking chocolate raspberry cheesecake in front of me I already felt so full but everything was so good there was no way I was passing on the dessert! As I took my first bite Edward asked, "So, are you excited about Dartmouth?" Here we go, I chewed my cheesecake slowly swallowing and took a sip of champagne which I just discovered tonight I LOVE, and than answered, "Yeah, I am really excited, although I guess there are some details we need to work out right?" His brows furrowed "What kind of details?" he asked tentatively. I took another sip and started "Well, I guess we need to talk about our living situation? I mean are we going to live in the dorms? I mean that would work for me but I don't really see that working well for you! We could get an apartment, on campus, off campus, are we going to live to apart, are we going to live together. . . ." I was rambling and I sounded like an idiot but he hadn't said anything yet and it made me feel like more of an idiot.

"Would you have any objections to living with me Bella?" I felt warmth starting slowly at my lower black, I tried breathing deeply in an effort to slow the blush that was coming on. "Well, I don't think so except that I would want to contribute and I know you would give me a really hard time about that!"

He smiled "Bella when did you change your shampoo?" _Is this a trick? I don't get it, what the hell is he doing?_ "Umm, after you left I guess, why?" He chuckled softly, "Bella, that ridiculous strawberry shampoo was one of the most familiar smells in my world aside from your blood and your breath. It was one of the first things I noticed when I came back, the strawberry smell was gone, your hair smells like peppermint now. I had never had a full thought in regards to the smell of peppermint ever and suddenly I found myself buying peppermint gum, peppermint patties and car fresheners that smell like peppermint. This is of course ridiculous because as you know, I don't eat but, it is the single sexiest smell in the world!" _Bella, he is trying to distract you, don't fall for it Bella, be strong! Fuck!!!!!!! Fuck fuck fuck!!!!!_

"Ummm yeah, just curious is there a reason you bring this up now?"

"The reason I bring this up now Bella, is that the only thing I want to do right now is wrap that ponytail around my fist and use it to pull your head back so I can kiss every inch of your neck! I realize that we have to have a conversation first before that hair is spilling all over me suffocating me with that peppermint scent so in an effort to get where I want to be faster I am just going to put all my shit out on the table and I hope you will do the same so we can move on!" _Gulp, _"Ok".

"Bella when I came back you said that I didn't respect you, I was appalled at you for believing that! But when I thought about everything you said and I realized you were right, I felt a deeper shame than I ever thought possible. You have grown to be a woman right before my eyes, and in watching you do so, I have realized what it is to truly be a man! I want to protect you, provide for you, support you, challenge you, agree with you, disagree with you and love you for as long as you will have me and I want you to do all of those things for me! I want to give you everything you want but sometimes we will have to compromise, sometimes I will disagree with you and I can't be afraid of losing you every time that happens! I have more gifts for you."

"Wow Edward, you are really all over the place tonight, is now really the appropriate time for gifts?"

"It is the perfect time for gifts Bella"

He took an envelope out of the inside pocket of his jacket and placed it on the table sliding it over to me. I picked it up and opened it there was a lot of typing, it was some kind of legal document. I started to pay closer attention and suddenly I understood, the pages fell through my fingers onto the table and my eyes flew wide open as understanding set in, "You bought me a house," I whispered, "No Bella, I bought us a house, on the outskirts of Hanover, a place for us to live while we attend school and before you lose your mind I want to tell you why please?" I nodded numbly.

"Bella, I bought us a house because I can! I have accumulated an incredible amount of wealth throughout my existence and now I have the opportunity to make the life of the woman I love a little easier because of that wealth! But please understand, if I were a man of lesser means I would utilize whatever I had available to me in order to accomplish that same objective. I would do this because I do not think you should have to work and go to school at the same time. I don't think anyone should have to! College is difficult enough as it is without having to worry about how you are going to pay rent and bills! If all I could afford was a studio apartment that is where we would be but I would take that upon myself so that you could focus on your studies, because I love you Bella!

I thought over what he said and considered it in the reverse, what if I was the one with all of the money and Edward would not allow me to help, I would be hurt and angry. I could feel myself maturing minute my minute and it was kind of pissing me off.

"Ok" I said.

"Ok?"

"Ok Edward, I want to live with you in Hanover and I want to do so in our house. I accept your gift!"

He looked at me like he was confused, "That's it, its just that easy?" "We'll see," I smiled, "Any other shit you want to put on the table?" He thought about it for a moment, "I would love to buy you a car?" He sounded so unsure of himself it was adorable.

"Ok" I answered. His brow shot up in surprise, "Really?" he asked.

"Yup, I'm not going to be able to take my truck and I am going to need a car so based on your previous argument I am going to allow you to make things easier for me. I accept your offer to buy me a car, please try to keep it under control!"

"Thank you Bella, this means so much to me!" I sighed regretting how difficult I had made things for him in the past that _HE_ would feel gratitude about buying me a house and a car. "Edward, thank you, I mean thank you so much!" I was touched to my core by his generosity.

"So, anything you want to put on the table Bella? I rolled my eyes at him, "Excuse me what was that?" I asked. "Oh I'm sorry is there any shit you need to bring to the table Bella?" I laughed softly, "Yes Edward I have some shit to bring to the table!" He gestured with his hand towards the table as if I should proceed.

"Well, we already covered living arrangements which for me also covers commitment and relationship so that leaves only one thing, "SEX!" I almost laughed at the way his eyebrows shot up in surprise and his eyes turned into huge saucers. Now it was his turn, "Uhhh ok, what about it?"

I took a deep breath and begged my blush to stay under control but as usual my heartbeat accelerated giving me away. "Bella are you ok?" Edward looked at me worried and impatient. "I am better than ok Edward, I am an 18 year old teenage girl. My hormones are raging and any minute now they are going to explode all over you!"

"Ok," Edward said tentatively, "I am wondering why you brought this to the negotiation table?" Well Edward, I am brining this to the negotiation table because you have some strong views on safety that are at odds with what I want, additionally there are things I want to do that will conflict directly with your old fashioned values."

"I am intrigued, please continue what is it that I will believe to be unsafe?" Edward had a smug amused look on his face that I wanted to smack off, or kiss off, whatever!

"Iwantyoutotasteme!" I blurted out feeling the color stain my cheeks; I sat motionless except for the lip biting waiting for his response. The amusement immediately left his face and a dozen emotions crossed his face in an instant, lust, fear, anger, excitement, sadness and many others, which passed so quickly I could not identify them. He slowly shook his head as if he was trying to shake my words out of existence but when he looked up I saw resolve. "Bella, there is nothing I want more than to pleasure and satisfy you so we will try but if I feel that it is to much, I will stop and provide a different type of pleasure, is that a satisfactory plan?" I smiled at his formal words.

"And the other thing?" he asked.

This time I was not embarrassed, "I want to taste you too," I answered quietly.

"Bella, I am sorry but ladies just don't do that!" He was exasperated; I had to turn this around quick. "Edward," I said softly leaning forward tracing patterns lightly on the back of his hand, "That night in your room, I have never been so turned on as when I was touching you, watching your face and your reactions to me made me feel sexy, it was satisfying! His expression was still hesitant but I could see that he would not by denying me.

"Anything left to negotiate?" he asked. "Other than actual sex?" I answered, Edward laughed softly, it was so sexy, "You wont need to badger me about that anymore Bella!" he stated plainly. "Well, there are other things left to discuss," I answered, "But not tonight!" The issue of my mortality would have to wait, be both compromised enough for one night. "Excellent!" he murmured rising from his seat and removing his jacket, I watched his face as he unbuttoned his shirt slowly dropping it the chair he had been sitting it on top of the jacket. His eyes were dark and held mine as he came around the table, he leaned over me hands on the armrests dragging his nose from my ear to my chin and back again over and over while whispering my name, "Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella," My breathing quickened and I turned my head catching his lips with mine and traced his lower lip with my tongue shoving my hands into his hair and using it to bring his face closer to mine. I felt his growl from deep in his chest, the next thing I knew I was on my feet pressed up against him pressing kisses onto his chest as he lowered my zipper and my dress fell in a pool at my feet. I stepped backwards out of my dress putting a little distance between him so he could get a good look at the lingerie I had been dying for him to see since he moment I put it on. His face became hard and his jaw clicked as it locked. He raked his eyes over me, _is he angry?_

"Isabella, are you trying to kill me with this!" he gestured to my outfit. I stayed silent not wanting to distract him. He rubbed his hand along his chin as he continued to study my body his eyes lustful, almost violent with desire, my skin lighting on fire under his gaze, I took 3 steps back feeling slightly dizzy under the intensity his stare. His eyes returned to mine, he seemed pleased with what he was seeing and I tried to imagine what I looked like to him, half naked barely able to catch my breath, eyeing him hungrily, I look like sex. He began stalking towards me again the lion coming after his prey but I put my arm out with my finger pointing at him stopping him in his tracks, "Calm down Edward!" He smiled at me almost a sneer and growled out, "Why?" "Because," I said, "I really like this stuff and I want to keep it, unharmed!" He smiled and continued towards me lazily, and traced his finger across the tops of my breasts and whispered, "I can get you another one!" "Nope, I want this one!" I said firmly. "Fine!" he growled picking me up and walking me over to the sofa where he stood me on the cushions. He went down on one knee in front of the sofa and took my hand kissing each fingertip and than placed my hand on his shoulder than lifted one foot and removed my sandal kissing the top of my foot before putting it down and than lifted my other foot removed the sandal kissing the top of that foot and placed it back on the cushion. He than kissed each of my scarred knees and as he stood the front of each thigh and once he was upright he smirked at me fingering the ribbon, "I think your right about this" his voice was husky with desire and emotion, "This needs to survive unharmed!" he pulled the ribbon out of its bow and 'I shivered in anticipation. He smiled at my response, and pulled the ribbon loose from one loop and then pulled the ribbon loose from the opposite side and kissed the skin underneath. "This is like a beautifully wrapped gift, is it wrong to be thinking of thanking Alice right now?" "No," I said breathily, "I will remind you to thank her!" He proceeded painfully slow pulling the ribbons through the loops and kissing the skin that was uncovered, by the time he got to the last loop at the top and I felt like my knees would give out. The ribbon fell to the sofa the corset landing just a fraction of a second after.

Edward leaned into me his face level to the valley between my breasts and he breathed in deeply and looked up at me, "I want to see all of you Bella," It wasn't a request, he ran his hands down the small of my back and hooked his fingers into the waist of my panties and slid them down my legs. His eyes roamed over my body and back up to my face, "That's new!" "Umm yeah," I answered, "Alice took me to the salon today and decided I needed some uhhhh landscaping." He ran his fingers over my now sparse pubic hair contemplating the new look and than murmured, "I like it!" and than he swept me up into his arms and carried me into one of the bedrooms stopping to adjust the thermostat I assume turning the heat all the way up and than moving further into the bedroom never breaking our gaze.

He set me down gently and stood up studying me as I lay on the bed completely exposed, he seemed to be memorizing every inch of me. Finally I sat up bringing my hands to the waistband of his pants, he grabbed my hands and pushed them aside tsk'ing at me in disapproval, "Tonight is all about you Isabella, your pleasure, your complete and total pleasure is why we are here!" And with that he crawled onto the bed slowly until his face hovered over me. He pressed his lips to mine softly but I was so charged with electricity I moaned loudly and felt him smile against my lips, "That is the most amazing sound in the world Kitten," he murmured against my lips. He shifted his weight so that he was lying on the bed beside me and began the torturous process of covering my neck with feather light kisses and than licking the hallows of my collar bone groaning something almost intelligible about my taste, and than finally licking and teasing my nipples with his fingertips and lips. The warmth in the room was almost suffocating his cool fingers and tongue welcome against my skin and than my breath caught as he traveled lower kissing my stomach, my hips and my thighs. I than felt the absence of his weight on the bed, I lifted my head to find him kneeling at the foot of the bed, he grabbed my legs right above the calves and pulled me closer to him until my ass was right at the end of the bed. I wish above all else I could be a super sexy slinky sex nymph but I am Bella, face red like a tomato and about to faint in anticipation!

I raised myself up on my elbows because I did not want to miss a thing and Edward's beautiful bronze hair descended kissing the insides of my thighs and than my lips, I stifle a groan not wanting any distractions and than I think my heart stopped! I felt his cool tongue start at the bottom of my opening and drag all the way up just short of the spot I wanted him to hit most and I began to pant. _"Fuck Bella, do you have any idea how good you taste!"_ Edward groaned. "Good in a good way or a bad way?" I managed to squeak out. He laughed huskily, "In the most amazing, womanly, sexy as hell, non food way imaginable!" he answered. Then he dove back in licking me up and down like I was an ice cream cone over and over, I was completely out of control gripping his hair to bring him even closer to me suddenly glad he was a vampire because if he were human that would have hurt him like hell. He was driving me to the brink of insanity, "Edward please," I whimpered, "I need more!" and I felt his cool fingers enter me as he continued to lap at me. My hips began to move in time with his fingers moving in and out of me and than I felt a third finger, "Edward," I whispered, "I am so close!" He increased the speed of his fingers moving in and out of me and than enveloped my clit between his lips licking and sucking, my entire body froze, back arched, fingers tangled in his hair, legs wrapped around his neck and than an earthquake erupted through my body starting in the core of my stomach and working its way out until I was writhing, hips bucking against his mouth as he continued his assault on my senses taking me higher and higher, "Edward, Edward, Edward," was I whispering or screaming I could not tell and than a new sensation his tongue flat against my clit as he shook his head back and forth and that was it, I began convulsing, the pleasure so intense it bordered on painful, I was screaming his name begging for him to continue, I was wanton and uncontrollable.

His movements began to slow and I started to panic, "No, Edward please not yet, don't stop!" I could hear his sexy chuckle and suddenly his face hovered over mine, "Oh I am not done with you yet Kitten" he answered, his eyes mischievous and cunning and than he was gone, I propped myself up on my elbows, he was at the foot of the bed, his perfect muscled back to me, I wanted to trace the lines of his shoulders with my tongue but I was enjoying him being in charge of this operation so I stayed put watching him slide his pants down and kick them aside. He turned to face me and all my thoughts went blank for a moment, he is so beautiful! His bare chest muscled, biceps flexed in anticipation, his wide shoulders yoked to a perfect V at his waist. His abs leading beautifully to his muscled stomach that I have ogled so many times in his low slung jeans trying to imagine where the soft hair lead only now I did not have to try and imagine, he stood there in front of me completely aroused and unashamed. "Edward," I whispered and in the tiniest fraction of a second I was sitting in his lap, straddling him, his erection pressed in between us. He crushed his lips to mine with more force than he had ever allowed and I gasped with pleasure, I moved my lips to his ear licking his earlobe and whispered, "It's time Edward".

I felt his body stiffen the tiniest bit and he pulled back to look at me, "Are you sure?" he asked with a slightly worried look. I cradled his face in my hands and kissed him tenderly, "Yes Edward, I am sure!" He deepened our kiss and I moaned pressing my myself harder into him creating friction between his erection and my stomach causing him to moan and I began moving my hips in circles between our tightly pressed bodies creating more friction for him, "Kitten, oh my god!" and I felt his hand on the small of my back pulling me even closer, "Please Edward," I whispered and I felt my self moving through he air and suddenly up against a wall my legs wrapped instinctively around his waist. I looked at the bed and than to him confused, "Isabella," he began, "this first time that we make love, I don't was to be above you or below you, I want us to be equal!" I felt the tears starting to flood my eyes, he looked alarmed and I put my finger on his lips and whispered, "I'm ok, I'm ready!" But in truth I was better than ok, in that moment I was certain that we had finally reached my intended destination, he understood me. I never wanted to be in control nor did I want him to, I wanted us to be equal, partners and here he is demonstrating with explicit clarity that he understands what I want, what I _need_!

I closed my eyes in anticipation of what was about to happen but he commanded, "Open your eyes Kitten!" I opened my eyes to find his liquid gold eyes filled with love and patience and I knew in that moment he was my forever.

He balanced my weight on his forearm and steadied himself placing a hand on the wall above my hand. "I'm out of hands Kitten," he smiled lovingly at me. I smiled shyly and reached in between us guiding him to my entrance and than wrapping my arms around his neck and meeting his gaze once again.

He slowly pushed in and I felt my lips make an O shape, the sensations were intoxicating and than I felt the searing heat and tapped his shoulder and he stopped, I held his gaze allowing my body time to adjust to him and than nodded for him to proceed. He very slowly continued to fill me until our bodies were flush against each other and he was buried deeply within me. "Kitten," he panted, "You feel. . ." he could not form the words but started moving in and out of me slowly a deep moan escaped my lips and my legs tightened around him prompting him to go faster, "Edward!" I whispered somehow managing to arch my back in the confined space bringing him even deeper into me, I heard a crash somewhere but was to far gone to look I continued to rock my hips meeting his thrusts. "Please Edward, more, harder!" I cried! "Fuck!" I heard him mutter under his breath before his lips crushed into mine, there was another crash but all I could focus on were the movements of his hips bringing him into me deeper and faster, I tore my lips away from him and let my head fall against the wall the familiar tightening starting within my walls building momentum. "Edward," I panted, "almost, please Edward, come with me!" he moved the positioning of one leg closer to the wall and with that movement he began stroking my clit with every thrust and I began crying out my walls tightening around him throwing him over the edge he continued thrusting as we cried out together and I heard yet another crash and Edward whispering over and over in my ear, "I love you Isabella". We rode the wave out a little while longer before becoming still staying in that position for several long moments before he slipped out of me and my legs started sliding down his hips to the floor.

He leaned me against the wall and when he was sure I had steady footing he walked over the nightstand and grabbed a tissue placing a condom in it and throwing it in the wastebasket. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Edward when did you put that on?" I asked still breathless, suddenly I was wrapped in his arms my chin tilted up with his pinkie, "I'm fast!" he shrugged and I rolled my eyes. "Would you like to lie down with me kitten?" I smiled at his more frequent use of the nickname, "Yeah, I'll be right back," I said and walked back to the dinner table refilling my glass and than bringing the bottle as well for good measure. Edward laughed as he saw the glass and bottle in my hands as I came back into the room, "Should I start stocking the fridge with champagne Miss Swan?" I laughed, "Couldn't hurt Mr. Cullen," I answered. I took a long sip and set the glass and bottle on the nightstand before crawling onto his lap straddling him.

He was sitting against the headboard and I rested my forehead against his enjoying the moment before finally pulling away from him. I studied his face carefully and felt the emotion welling up, his head cocked to the side, "Bella, are you ok?" he asked concerned. I was becoming lost in the infinite depths of his eyes, I closed my eyes to get my emotions under control and when I opened them I picked up his hand and kissed each knuckle and than his palm before placing it flat against my heart. "I love you Edward," I said my voice throaty with emotion, "I have always been yours, I will always be yours, and I love you! Edward's head snapped to the side looking away from me and an indescribable sound escaped his lips as his chest starting heaving. "Edward!" I exclaimed alarmed that there was something wrong, "Are you ok, should I call Carlisle?" He turned his head back to me and I realized that this was the vampire version of crying. "Bella, I have tried to be so patient but I have not heard you say those words since before I left. I have been dying inside waiting to hear you say those words!" "Edward," I cried my tears spilling over "I love you, I love you, I love you. . ." I continued to whisper the words over and over again planting kisses all over his face, neck and shoulders as he continued to shake under the weight of the emotion and in finally being able to take care of him I knew our love would last.

*****

**D: Sitting in living room sick with a cold wearing jamies, socks and wrapped in a blanket which is really freakin unusual seeing as how I live in Palm fucking Springs. Bella enters and flops down on opposite side of couch.**

**D: Hey Bella.**

**B: Hey D**

**D: What's up?**

**B: Not much just wanted to say thanks!**

**D: For what?**

**B: For showing some basic common decency and stopping with all the cock blocking!**

**D: You know Bella you are 18 fucking years old in a relationship with a vampire I would not exactly call you and the best fucking authority on relationships or the pace at which they should proceed. Also, I would really shut my pie hole if I were you seeing as how I could proceed with the cock blocking any fucking time I want.**

**B: Whatever Biatch!**

**D: Whatever Biatch!**

**Bella hops up and does her best sulky teenager impression.**

**B: Hey D**

**D: Yes Bella?**

**B: It was REALLY amazing!**

**D: Your welcome Bella!**


	14. Just a Taste

**Ok ok people, so the last chapter was really nice and all**

**but come on, this **_**is **_**Edward and Bella**

**we are talking about here so things**

**cant stay that way forever**

**right! **

**********

**Why**

**Why can you not see me in the way I want to be seen?**

**I see only beauty in your imperfections**

**I wait in anticipation of your every word**

**My thoughts of you are pure**

**See my reverence**

**My adulation of you**

**I watch you**

**Lie in wait**

**You will soften towards me**

**Acquiesce to my passion for you**

**You will accept my love**

**For it is pure**

**It is certain**

**It is my greatest desire**

**L. Lopez AKA DreaminInCa**

**Dedicated to Justin – Read on!**

*********

Chapter 14

Just a Taste

I woke cuddled in Edwards chest, I felt safe, loved and all in all just warm and fuzzy. As my eyes opened and the light from the sun registered reality suddenly came crashing in one me _crap!_ I flew out of bed looking for clothes but finding nothing, I ran to the dining area pulling Edwards shirt on from last night, as I ran back into the bedroom I tripped but caught myself before doing any damage. "EDWARD WE HAVE TO GO!!!!!!!" I stared at him lying in bed looking amused, "Bella, calm down, what's wrong?" I was starting to hyperventilate from the panic, "Charlie, morning, oh my god, Charlie!" Edward chuckled, _chuckled_, "Relax Bella Alice took care of it, your fine with Charlie."

"Oh" I squeaked, holding my hand over my heart walking in small circles willing my heart rate to return to its normal pattern as Edward continued to lounge in bed.

"Ummm Edward."

"Yes Kitten?"

"Why are there huge holes in that wall?"

His calm façade finally broke and he looked at me sheepishly, "I might have focused some of my excess energy on that wall last night" he answered. My eyebrow cocked as I smirked at him and than at the wall. "I am going to pay for the damage Bella!" I laughed and than launched myself at him, he pulled me into our new favorite position me straddling his lap. "Good morning Tiger!" "Good morning Edward" I said shyly. "What is this?" he said with a smile in his voice, "All that confidence last night and the morning after your self conscious all of a sudden?" I slipped his shirt off of my shoulders and threw it to the side of the bed.

I looked up into his eyes and saw pure adoration, but made no move to close the short distance between us. Edward's jaw clenched and he shook his head quietly, "Isabella, where have you gone wrong??? In a hotel room under an assumed name _seducing a vampire!_" I shrugged my shoulders and continued to simply sit. He leaned towards me smirking at my blank expression, he brushed back the hair escaping from my ponytail and ran his hand from where it was fastened at the top of my head to the tip of my ponytail sending a shudder through me and than so quickly I barely saw the movement he wrapped the hair around his fist and pulled my head back and peppered soft kisses all over my exposed neck. "You need to shower Miss Swan, you have a teenage soirée to attend this evening!" I shook my hair out of his hand and leaned forward resting my cheek into the crook of his neck, "What time is it?" I asked, Edward laughed, "It's almost 2 in the afternoon lazy, maybe you should go a little easier on the champagne next time!" I frowned, "Na uh, I love champagne, I am going to be making up reasons to celebrate just to have more and I expect my vampire boyfriend to get it for me as I am underage!!" As Edward laughed "You know Bella, I am underage too!, "Whatever Edward!" I said rolling my eyes. I became thoughtful for a moment.

"Edward, tell me something about you that you have never told anyone else ever". "Ok," he mused, "when I was 14 I had a dog, his name was Moxie. At that time it was not as popular as it is today to walk your dog but I really loved that dog and after a while he got used to it so I had to! One morning I woke up feeling ill, Moxie didn't care about how I was feeling he wanted his walk. We started down the street and my coughed kicked in, I stood there coughing on the side of the road when I unexpectedly uhhh _passed gas_, only it wasn't gas!" He met my gaze to find my eyes wide open fighting desperately to control the giggles that were fighting to escape he smiled slightly embarrassed but equally amused by his story and continued. "I was so surprised that I dropped the rope which tethered Moxie to me he ran down the street. I yelled after him demanding that he return but to no avail, he refused to comply so I was forced to chase him down!" My laughter erupted effectively ending his story and after a moment his laugh mingled with my own.

Once I regained my composure I met his still amused gaze, "Well Edward, I can see why you have not ever told this story!" He smiled lovingly at me, "Why did you want me to share something that I have never shared with another?" I became pensive for a moment, "Well, you are so closed to your family, you all have no secrets from one another, they certainly have no secrets from you! I wanted to share a memory of yours but I wanted something all to myself!" He smiled, "Get in the shower Bella, we need to get going!" I got up and headed to the bathroom, "Ummm maybe I should go down the gift shop and try and find something more appropriate to wear!" "Silly Bella," Edward laughed, "Alice sent clothes ahead, they are in the armoire!" I rolled my eyes, "Should have known!"

Several hours later we were on the road back to forks, Edward had requested that the desk have the rest of our things sent back to the Cullen's house. As we stood at the front desk checking out the hotel manager came by to thank Edward for his business at which time Edward discreetly handed him what I assumed to be several thousands of dollars in cash and explained that they may find some damage in the room to which the man discreetly nodded, shook his hand cringing just slightly and turned to leave. The receptionist offered a receipt to which Edward declined and than wished a wonderful day to Mr. and Mrs. Cullen to which Edward leaned forward placing a not so chaste kiss on the sensitive spot under my ear. "So when am I expected home," I asked as we neared Angela's. Edward smiled, "Not until tomorrow night!" I smiled in return thinking of all the things we could do to fill in the hours. "Alice will pick you up tonight from Angela's, just call when you are ready." I looked down at my outfit a little doubtfully, it was really cute, a very short, to short denim skirt and a black oversized billowy blouse of cotton material with a wide neckline that hung off one shoulder and thank you so much Alice black flip flops dressed up with rhinestones. "You look beautiful Kitten!" I smiled, I was starting to get used to the pet name, "Thank you I answered but I am afraid I might get cold later." He reached behind him and pulled his jacket from the backseat placing it my lap, I smiled softly. "What?" he asked looking at me curiously, "Nothing," I said, "I just can't wait for it to get cold!"

A few hours later Angela and I were in her car on our way to Lauren's, Angela was gushing over my outfit which I explained in one word, "Alice!" "Cute earrings too" she exclaimed, "Thanks I said hoping the conversation would take a turn but I should have known better with oh so perceptive Angela. "Where did you get them?" she asked and I know I heard a slightly suspicious tone in her voice. I sighed, "Edward gave them to me last night," I answered in surrender. "Holy Crap Bell, Are You Telling Me Those Are REAL????" I turned my head away to the window and hissed as quietly as I could, "You better not be listening in on me Cullen!" and than turned back to Angela answering "Fraid so Ang, they are real!" Angela laughed a refreshing bubbling laugh "Well, I guess that answers my next question which would have been, how are things going with Edward?" I giggled relishing my teen girl moment, "He is amazing, I love him!" We came to a stop in front of Lauren's house, "mums the word, as far as anyone else is concerned those are rhinestones although I doubt anyone would think to ask!" "Thanks Ang!" I gave her a quick hug and we walked up the drive to join the party already in full swing.

Several hours later the sky was dark and there were many teenagers in different states of drunkenness all over Lauren's parent free home. Angela had left an hour earlier explaining that Ben's plans were cancelled and they wanted to take advantage of _his_ unsupervised home. She offered me a ride to Edward's but I was having so much fun being a human girl and Lauren lived only 3 blocks from Charlie's I could walk there get my truck and drive myself to Edward's later.

I was able to speak with Brad and make amends, and even had an interesting conversation with Tanya Denali. I always had a sneaking suspicion she did not like me but as we had only ever had a handful of conversations I never knew why. I should have known it was Edward related. She explained that she had a crush on him for sometime when I moved to Forks and she had been a little jealous at our obvious connection. She had recently started dating a guy she met while crashing a frat party at UW and apologized for all the dirty looks I never earned. "That's ok Tanya," I murmured, "I'm just glad you have someone and your happy!" It seemed like everyone was getting things off their chest as after Wednesday many of us would never see each other again! After taking my time and speaking with everyone I finally said goodbye and started making my way to Charlie's. I missed Edward and couldn't wait to be surrounded by my adopted family. I shrugged his jacket on and inhaled the scent of Edward. I looked around taking in my surroundings, the forest that encroached around the perimeter of the neighborhood right across the street from me. The bright stars out tonight thanks to the summer weather, and most importantly the small town feel both a blessing and a curse, I would miss all of this when I left for Hanover to start my new life. I let the bittersweet feeling wash over me but is lasted only a moment before the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood on end. "Hello Bella!" I heard a voice call from behind me.

I turned to see Justin about 20 feet behind me, "Justin!" I sighed but my muscles refused to relax, my gut was still sensing danger but that couldn't be right _could it? _"Oh hey Justin, what are you doing out here, you live on the other side of town?" He smiled and jogged he short distance between us stopping much closer than I was comfortable with. "I saw you walking," he smiled, "I didn't feel comfortable letting you walk home so late by yourself so I thought I should keep you company!" I laughed nervously, "That's really not necessary Justin, I only live another two blocks from here!" He ran his fingers through his hair nervously, "Still I would feel more comfortable if you were not by yourself!" I began walking forward again towards Charlie's, "Well, let's go then, and thank you Justin!" I took about two steps and than he stopped me again, "Hey Bella, I just really wanted to say that I am sorry for all the shit I have given you this year, I have been a real scum ball and you didn't deserve that, I'm sorry!"

Somehow his apology did not put me anymore at ease in fact it made me even more uncomfortable, luckily it was late and the neighborhood was very still, one good scream and the entire neighborhood would be up in a second! "Justin" I said very quietly, "I accept your apology and I hope that you will accept mine. No matter what you said to me I should have never hit you, I am very sorry about that but, I heard that you are dating Kelsey now and I am back together with Edward so everything worked out right?" I asked hopefully, "Speaking of Edward where is he?" My body was humming now with tension, I could feel something coming, I needed to change the path we were heading in so I began to walk again gesturing that he should follow.

"Well, I came with Angela tonight so we could have some girl time but she wanted to get in a little alone time with Ben so I told her I could make my own way home!" His brows furrowed in consternation, "Bella if I were your boyfriend or your friend for that matter I would never leave you alone, you are too perfect, too beautiful to be by yourself!" I kept walking but studied him curiously, it almost sounded as if there were tears in his voice, "Are you ok Justin?" I asked with concern. He stopped walking and had this look about him that made me really nervous, kind of like I was a juicy steak and he was a stray dog that had not eaten in months. "Yeah, I'm ok Bella, and I am really sorry about this!" "About what Justin?" I was really confused but before I could say anything further his fist shot out and punched me in the throat, I began sputtering, I could not breath and than I was being carried across the street to the forest.

_Bella keep calm I kept repeating silently to myself, you must keep calm if you are going to get through this! _I continued to sputter and try to right myself and it all came together in my head, he planned it down to where he hit me, so I could not scream, no one would hear me, no one knew where I was, oh my god this was really happening! The next thing I knew I was being thrown up against a tree his arms on both sides of my head. "You are so beautiful Bella, I just want a taste that's all just a taste of your perfection, if you only knew how much I have worshiped and desired you, you would never turn me away, you would welcome me!" I tried to speak but I couldn't my throat was swelling and I was still sputtering trying to catch my breath.

His face began to move closer to mine, _was he going to try and kiss me? _Yes, yes he was and suddenly there was Jasper, in my mind smiling telling me to do my best to try and escape the mightiest vampire of all time, I had to fight, if I was going to have any chance and getting out of here unharmed I had to fight. I shot my right arm straight up close to my body between his arms and brought it crashing down on his left arm opening a space for me to run and I did, I could barely breath but I ran and ran, I had no idea where I was, was I running further into the forest or out of the forest? I had no idea! I could hear him running behind me, I should have kneed him in his junk, shit! And than I felt him on me, he was tackling me to the ground.

"Please don't fight it Bella, it is going to be so good, we will be so right together!" "NOOOOOOO" I screamed but it was barely a whisper. I took the palm of my hand and sent it flying into his nose but he turned his head and it hit his cheek instead, he grunted but was not hurt. I was not strong enough, I needed help, I continued to writhe and fight underneath him but for a fraction of a moment I closed my eyes "Alice," I sent a silent plea, "I am going to fight him as hard as I can, until my fingers bleed if I have to but, he is going to do it, he is going to rape me, please Alice, please please please help me!"

When I opened my eyes I saw him going for my skirt to push it up, it was now or never, _Stay with me Jasper_ I said silently and brought the point of my elbow crashing down into his neck he sat up on his knees groaning in pain and I brought both knees all the way up to my chest and sent my feet flying into his stomach hurling him away from me and than I scampered up continuing to run tripping and catching myself, I felt rocks and twigs stabbing into the bottom of my soft feet, my flip flops had flown off long ago.

I heard him coming up quickly behind me just as I fell again, I jumped up trying to right myself and I knew that he was only feet away, I looked back just for a moment to see his arm coming crashing down with a huge rock and I closed my eyes waiting for the pain but it did not come. A second later, I looked up to see Rosalie sitting on his chest pummeling him. I ran to her side, his face was completely covered in bruises, "Rosie you have to stop," I whispered, "Please stop, lets go Rosie please! She turned her face towards mine and the fury and loathing was radiating off of her in waves, It shook me to my core with terror, I wondered what I looked like to her because when she was my expression her face immediately softened and she rose to her feet lifting me with her. "Let's go Bella" she said reassuringly and threw me on her back running through the forest. When we got to her car she placed me gingerly in the passenger seat of her BMW. She than got in the passenger seat, I am taking you to the house she said, "No I whispered, I don't want to go there!" I started to cry, "Ok Bella, I will take you to Charlie's." "No Rosie, I don't want to go there either!"

She muttered an expletive under her breath and fished my phone out the pocket of Edward's jacket flipped through the contacts and hit send, someone must have answered because I heard her say, "No this is Rosalie" and I leaned my head against the window and tuned her out, all I wanted now was Edward's safe and reassuring arms around me.

It seemed like only seconds later I was leaning into Rosalie's side walking up the path to Ben Cheney's house. The front door flew open and Angela ran down the path, "Oh my god Bella, she cried, "I am so sorry, what the hell happened?" Rosalie answered for me, "Angela, Edward is on his way with Carlisle, please don't ask any questions." Angela nodded and they got me to the couch, Ben standing in the background angry, fists clenched, he did not know what happened but his face told me his guess was on the right track. My neck was throbbing, it hurt to talk and I was still having trouble breathing.

A few moments later Edward was practically knocking down the door, as soon as Angela opened it he was kneeling in front of me taking me carefully into his arms, "Bella are you ok sweetheart?" I nodded and heard a voice from behind him, "Let me take a look at her Edward," it was Carlisle. He gave me a shot he said would make the the swelling in my neck go down and treated my many cuts and scrapes. When he was done he held my hand, "Bella, your going to be fine, do you need to talk to someone about this?" I thought about it for a minute but I knew that the thing that bothered me the most was that I scared everyone to death. "Thank you for everything Carlisle," I whispered, "I am fine, you don't need to worry about me!" Carlisle smiled at me, "As if I could help myself Bella, you're my daughter of course I am worried". I smiled, "Thank you Carlisle".

Edward tucked me into the Volvo and we began the drive to the Cullen's, "Bella do you want to talk" Edward asked tenderly. I blinked the tears back, "Tomorrow ok" I answered. He nodded his agreement. When we walked through the door at the Cullen's my vampire family was waiting for me, Alice ran to me hugging me tightly and a little painfully, "Bella I am so sorry I didn't see it in time, I didn't see it until you called to me!" I stroked her hair, "It's ok Tink," I assured her, "I am fine!"

She stepped away tentatively and I looked around for the one I was waiting to see, he stood apart from the others as usual, he was leaning on the staircase and I ran to him wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his chest, "Jasper," I whispered, "Thank you so much Jasper!" and the tears overflowed. Jasper walked me over to the couch and sat me down kneeling in front of me smiling, "Your very welcome Bella," he said with his slight drawl, "What are you thanking me for exactly?" He asked curiously. "You showed me what to do, it was like you were right there with me telling exactly what to do! Thank you so much Jasper for being there with me, for saving me!!!" Jasper hugged me tightly to him, I knew it was hard for him but I wanted to be close to him so I selfishly ignored that and pulled myself closer. "Listen Bella," he said pulling away from me to look me in the eye. "You are part of this family and we will never abandon you, when you need us we WILL be there for you, I promise you that, we ALL promise you that!"

I suddenly felt exhausted and looked at Edward who nodded at me, he may not be able to read my mind but he knew me better than anyone in the world, he picked me up and carried me gently up the stairs at human pace. He took some pajamas out of the new dresser in the corner and carefully helped me change in silence. Once I was changed he went into the bathroom and came out with my hairbrush, correction, my new hairbrush exactly like the one I had at home and he sat behind me brushing the debris out of my hair murmuring soothingly at me as I cried quietly. Once he was done he lay me down in his bed and climbed in beside me humming my lullaby softly to me as I drifted off to sleep.


	15. My One True Love

Chapter 15

My One True Love

When I woke up it was still dark out and Edward was gone. I could hear soft voices from downstairs and I knew Edward would know I had woken. He had told me once that he was so attuned to me that he one heard my eyelashes flutter when I was in gym even though he was across campus. I got out of bed and stretched and put on the bathrobe that was left for me at the edge of the bed.

After stopping in the bathroom for what Edward calls my "Human Moments" I made my way downstairs. Edward was sitting in the living room with Jasper and Emmett, they were playing some game on Xbox that I had no clue about. I walked over to Edward and crawled into his lap, Jasper and Emmett both looked up for a second to smile at me but than went back to their game.

"You only slept a couple of hours Kitten, did we wake you?" I yawned and he smiled, "No you didn't wake me, sometimes I just wake up!" I answered. "How are you feeling," he asked concerned. "Ok I guess," I answered, "What happened to Justin?" Edwards jaw snapped shut and he answered; "Carlisle went and got him and left him at the edge of the woods. Someone already found him and he is at the hospital, he is going to be ok but he won't be making it to graduation or anywhere else for that matter anytime soon!" Emmett guffawed, "Yeah my Rosie really did a job on that guy!" "How did Rosalie get there before you guys?" Jasper paused the game and both he and Emmett turned in our direction and my body went still and rigid, "What?" I asked searching Edward's face frantically, "What happened?" Edward starting drawing small circles on my back, "Calm down Kitten everything is ok, it's just an interesting story that's all!" My brows knitted together in confusion, "Well lets hear it already!"

Emmett started, "Bella, the night that you asked Rosie to go home with you was more significant than you probably realize. As you were sleeping Rosalie watched over you that night, she said that you had the worst nightmares and the sound of you crying out in your sleep broke her heart so to speak! She has always wanted children so much and I think she made some type of inexplicable connection with you that night, she came back different than she left here!" I looked at Edward and he simply nodded.

Emmett continued, when Edward came home from your Seattle trip alone, Rosalie was very upset to hear that you would be attending the party with Angela and none of us would be tagging along. She begged Edward to go or send Alice but Edward would not budge saying you deserved to have this night with your friends. Rosalie said she had a feeling but Alice did not see anything happening probably because nothing was decided at that point so Edward refused to interfere."

I hung my head, this all could have been avoided if I had not made such a big deal about independence and boundaries, Edward sensed my shame and brought my chin up to face him saying "Bella, don't you dare feel bad about this, none of this is your fault, in fact it is not our fault either, for once lets let the blame fall where it belongs, with Justin!" I smiled softly at him, "Ok Edward" I said.

Emmett continued with his story, "Anyway, when you did not call Alice in a timeframe suitable for Rosalie she all of a sudden needed to go "hunting"." "How did she hide that from you?" I asked Edward, he laughed softly, "Rosalie has a lot of experience hiding her thoughts from me, one quick way to get me to ignore her thoughts all together is to start thinking of whatever it is her and Emmett did last night or what she plans on doing with him tonight!" I laughed softly, "Yeah I guess that would do it for me too!" I laughed.

Anyway, she went by Angela's and you guys weren't there so she went by the party, she knew that you left and followed your scent which became mingled with another scent that went into the forest. That's when she smelled your fear and followed that into the forest and found you there, and I guess you know the rest."

"She came looking for me?" I whispered. Edward held me tightly into his chest, "Isabella, when are you going to accept that you are a part of this family and we will protect you with the same ferocity that we would protect each other with?" I nodded my head, tears starting, "Where is she?" I demanded. "I'm here Bella," Rosalie answered from the foot of the staircase. I put my hand on my heart and hung my head, "Rosalie," I whispered, "I am so…. I…. You have to know…" "I do know Bella!" She came and took my hand leading back to the sofa where I sat by Edward and she took her place by Emmett, there was streak of white down the stairs and Alice was in Jasper's lap.

"Bella," Rosalie started, "You have to know that you saved Edward, saved him from himself, saved him from a life devoid of true happiness and solitude, you saved his humanity. What I did not realized until tonight is that you have truly touched this family. You saved me too Bella! You made me realize that I can be more than I ever thought I could be, I can be a friend, a sister, a wife free of jealousy and bitterness. I helped you tonight because I did not want you to experience what I went through, I did not want my brother to have to experience the fall out, I did not want your father or the rest of my family to have to see you like that, because you're my sister Bella, I love you!"

The tears were streaming down my face, "Rosalie" I whispered, "Thank you, for tonight and for everything. I can't even tell you!" Rosalie smiled at me and than looked at Edward pointedly, Edward laughed softly, "Come on Kitten, time to go back to sleep!" he threw me over his shoulder and ran me up the stairs and lay my gently on his bed. I scooted towards the center and laid down, a moment later I felt his cool body against mine. I began to think over everything that had happened lingering on Jasper and Rosalie's references to my being a part of the family, their sister. I knew Edward would be asking me to marry him, knowing Edward probably sooner, than later. Did I want to spend the rest of my life with Edward, no, I wanted eternity with him! I guess I knew what my answer would be. We had both compromised so much but I know he had made the greatest sacrifice by agreeing to make love to me before we were married. I would also be asking him to change me, make me immortal and although I knew it would be a bitter fight in the end he would acquiesce because he wanted me for the rest of his existence as well. For these things that he would sacrifice for me I would push aside my fears about marriage learned from watching Renee and Charlie and I would float down an isle wearing a poofy dress of Alice's choosing and say the words that he so desired to hear. I just hoped I was wrong and it would be later instead of sooner.

Wednesday was my high school graduation; I had been living as an adult taking care of my parents for so long it almost seemed comical that I was barely graduating from high school! Tomorrow night I would be spending the night in my room at Charlie's and for the first time since his return to Forks, Edward would be with me.

So much had happened and yet everything was in its right place.

Edwards arm snaked around my waist bringing me closer into his chest, "What's wrong, I whispered, can't sleep?" Edward chuckled, "Ha Ha Bella, I couldn't help but notice that you can't sleep and I thought I might be able to help you with that!" And with that his hand slipped into my pajama bottoms under my panties making silent promises I knew he would keep. I turned my head and his lips met mine and I relaxed my body into Edward's knowing that his magical fingers would play my body like a precious instrument strumming and stroking coaxing beautiful sounds from me. I closed my eyes and began floating to a place where only my one true love could reach me.

The End

*********

**A Conversation With Edward & Bella**

**D sits with Edward and Bella to have a last conversation about Becoming Bella.**

**D: So it is really nice to have you both here together, let's start with you Bella. You are very well acquainted with the Bella Swan in the S.M. Twilight series. What do you think of her and what do you see as the biggest differences between the two of you?**

**B: Well, first I have to say that there is no your Bella and her Bella, we are in fact the same Bella. That being said I think that the way you each write for me is very similar. They both have their strengths and weaknesses. One thing I love about your Bella is that I get to curse a little, I get to have sex thank goodness but you keep the enough of the core values of the story that I still feel like myself. S.M.'s Bella has a much stronger relationship with Charlie and Renee, S.M's Bella has Jacob and the whole La Push gang so there are definitely pluses and minuses to each!**

**D: What about you Edward, same question. **

**E: I really like the way both you and S.M. write Edward but unlike Bella, your versions of me are completely different. The Edward you write for me is a more dynamic character able to change and adapt in more significant ways. I think part of that may be because we don't see as much of The Cullen's in S.M.'s books as we see in your story, in seeing the situation through the eyes of my siblings you really get more of a sense of who I am. I see S.M.'s version of me as more of a gentleman which I prefer although, I hate to admit it I was happy to be able to show my love for Bella physically.**

**D: Bella, were you as confident as you seemed when you were taking off your clothes in front of Edward on the date?**

**B: NO!!!! What was really funny is that I felt way more self-conscious when I was wearing that lingerie than when I was actually naked! There is a point when Edward explains why we are going to do it for the first time up against the wall, which on a side note was very freakin hot, thanks for that!**

**D: Your very welcome!**

**B: Anyway, once he says those words to me, it really clicks, he is it for me, my forever. Once I accept that there is no reason to feel self conscious ever.**

**D: Edward you and Bella really kinda let your hair down on the date as far as you both curse casually and speak rather candidly in a grown up way about sex. I know how you feel about cursing being unladylike behavior, why don't you ever seem to disapprove when Bella is doing it?**

**E: I realize immediately that this is a change in her that has happened as a direct result of my leaving and I know that there are some things that are going to be different that I will have to accept and also, I think it's hot hearing dirty words come out of that pretty little mouth!**

**D: laughes! Edward you tell Bella a story about your dog Moxie the morning after your date. I have to say I was very impressed that your uptight emo ass was willing to tell that story, care to say why?**

**E: A lot of really embarrassing things happen to Bella during the course of our relationship and I always feel bad about that so when she asked me to tell her something about me no one else knew I chose one of the few human memories I recall, to be honest I think the **_**reason**_** I remember that story is because it is so embarrassing!**

**B: I was also really shocked not only that he told me that story but that he laughed so hard with me! That was so dope! - Please stop making me say that, that's a you thing D not a me thing!**

**D: Sorry!**

**D: So were you guys happy with the way the story ended?**

**B&E: Sort of!**

**B: I want to know what's next, what does the house in Hanover look like, do we go there alone or does the family go with us? Does Edward propose? What kind of car does he get me and do I get pissed about it? What's my major? Do I become immortal?**

**E: I feel the same way, and also, we should have more sex!**

**D: Would you guys feel better if I said there could be a sequel to this story at a future date? **

**B&E: Definitely!**

**D: So Bella, all in all how do you feel about the process you had to go through to Become Bella?**

**B: I have to say that I think I am glad Edward left so that I had that opportunity to see myself from another perspective. In the end although it was painful and lonely it was definitely for the best!**

**D: Edward, same question.**

**E: I feel the same way, it is easy to assume that being alive for a century you have picked up a few things along the way but what I learned through this experience is that I really didn't know what being a man meant until Bella became a woman in her own right and I had to deal with her on that level. It was a good thing!**

**D: Any last words before we wrap this up?**

**B: Why did you change the fragrance of my hair to peppermint?**

**D: Good question, I did it because there are some storyline standards that I am really sick of! One of them is Bella always smelling like strawberries. I am really sorry if that irritates you but a bizillion other people will write you smelling like strawberries ok!**

**E: Can we continue to have sex until to write the sequel?**

**D: Geez one track Edward! Yes, ok!**

**B: Can you tell me a little about your next story?**

**D: Tell you what, I will leave you with a little of the first chapter how does that sound?**

**B: Perfect!**

**********

A Change of Heart

Chapter 1

Alone is Only Alone if You Get the Hell Out of Here!

I groan as I turn over in bed looking at the clock, it's 8AM on the first day of Christmas Break and I am already pissed at my sister Alice who is currently pounding on my bedroom door.

"What the fuck do you want Alice???"

The door flies open and I am suddenly impaled with 89 pounds of irritating munchkin fairy. "Edward, mom wants you down stairs A-SAP, she has been calling and calling you for like 10 minutes!" I run my hand through my hair and pinch the bridge of my nose in an effort to hold at bay the already forming migraine. "Alice, do you know meaning of Christmas fucking vacaction?" Alice jumps off me and begins bouncing on my bed, "Of course I do silly, I LOVE Christmas vacation, we get to sleep in and stay up late watching movies and we can shop and shop and shop!" "You know what Alice, none of that shit sounds even remotely interesting to me!" Alice's brow furrows and I groan silently knowing I am in for it now. "You know what Edward I am getting just a teensy bit tired of your brooding bad boy act!!! You never smile or laugh anymore and you spend entirely to much time alone!"

That's it, I cant fucking take it anymore, I jump out of bed and grab her around the waist setting her outside my bedroom door, "You know what Alice, alone is only alone if you get the hell out of here! Why don't you take a fucking hike so I can fulfill my brooding bad boy persona ok?" I slam the door and lock it waiting for the inevitable response. "Get your ass downstairs Edward, mom is waiting for you and the next time you decide to man handle me in the morning make sure you have taken care of your business cause my foot touched your morning wood and that's just disgusting!"

I shrugged to myself, ok than, time to take care of business and might as well multi-task and get a shower in too right!

20 minutes later I am dressed and downstairs, there is a cup of coffee and a plate of pancakes at the breakfast bar and I know they are for me. I sit down and take a sip, "Hey mom!" Esme Cullen is not really my mom, she is actually my mother's sister but she and her husband Carlisle adopted me and my sister Alice when I was 6 and Alice was 4 after our parents died in a car accident. I don't remember a whole lot about my parents but Esme and Carlisle have been the best parents a guy can ask for so I don't spend a lot of time dwelling. Esme and Carlisle have a son of their own Emmett who is the same age as me and as far as I am concerned he is my brother just like Alice is my sister!

Esme came over and kissed me on the forehead, "Edward can you do me a favor and take your father his lunch, he forgot it this morning." My eyebrow cocked suspiciously "Dad forgot his lunch?" I asked. Esme smiled patiently at me, "Yes Edward, he has been so stressed out about this patient that was transferred into his care last month he has been acting a little out of character lately." "Ok," I answered, I will take him his lunch, but what's up with this patient of his?" Her face became distressed, "She is a young girl with advanced Leukemia, your father thinks that they will be able to help her but she has had a lot of setbacks so he wants very much to do right by her." I was in awe of my father, he was a lot to live up to but I was hoping to get my acceptance letter to UW soon so I could begin my studies in pre-law, I know it saddened Carlisle that I did not choose to follow in his footsteps but I just didn't feel medicine was my calling.

An hour later I was walking up to Mrs. Cope at the reception desk, I put on my best sexy smile, I loved to flirt with the older ladies in the hospital! "Hey Mrs. Cope!" "Edward, how are you dear?" I smiled lazily, "Doing great thanks, is my dad in his office?" Mrs. Cope checked her paperwork and than answered, "Your dad is doing rounds right now, check the 3rd floor room 317 you will probably find him there." I pushed away from the desk waving at her as I left and headed up the elevator.

I walked into room 317, which turns out is a single patient room; there was a young woman in the bed with a pink scarf tied around her head. I couldn't see her face, it was turned to the side, and she was sleeping. She looked so tiny and I knew by looking at her that she was very sick, I really wanted to see her face but I knew I should leave before she woke. Just as I started leaving she turned her head and looked right at me.

"Hi" she whispered, "Hi," I answered. I had never seen anyone so delicate or beautiful in my entire life, in that moment I would have done anything to make her better, to make her smile. "Are you an angel, did I finally die?" she asked. I sucked in a breath sharply, she's dying!!! I had to swallow hard and clear my throat, "I'm not an angel." I said, her lips made the cutest little O shape, "But your so beautiful!" she said, "You must be an angel, its ok you know I have kind of been expecting you, I'm not scared!" All of a sudden everything I had ever been sad or upset about in my whole entire life seemed insignificant, this girl, this beautiful girl was the only thing that mattered and I knew in an instant I was tied to her. As my life was transforming before my eyes the door opened and my father walked in.

"Miss Swan" he said cheerily, "how are we doing today?" it was just then that he noticed me. "Well" she said, I feel really bad Dr. Cullen almost like I am cheating on you!" My father laughed, why is that Miss Swan?" "Well since the day I met you I have always thought that you were the most handsome man in the entire world but this man walked into the room and I am afraid he has taken your position as most handsome man in the entire world, you know this small town is a breeding ground for amazingly attractive people!" Carlisle laughed and sat on the edge of her bed, "Well Miss Swan, if you must cheat on me I guess I will have to excuse it just this once as I cannot deny my own son a gift so precious as yourself!" She laughed the most beautiful delicate sound I had ever heard, "I should have known he would be your son Dr. Cullen!" "Miss Swan if you would excuse me for just a moment I am going to step out for a moment and speak with my son." "Sure sure" she laughed, "I will just wait for you here!"

I followed Carlisle out into the hall and he put a hand on my shoulder, "Its good to see you Edward, what brings you around today?" I held up the lunch bag dumbly, "Mom wanted me to bring your lunch." He laughed softly, "Would you mind leaving it in my office for me?" "Uhhh sure dad, hey what's wrong with her?" Carlisle's face became serious and full of concern, "Isabella is very sick Edward, she has leukemia and things have been very grave for her for sometime. We have recently made some progress however so I am a little optimistic."

I looked at my watch, "Visiting hours started 2 hours ago, why isn't there anyone here with her?" I studied my dad's face he was a little sad, "She doesn't have anyone Edward, every once in a while she has a friend who is away at college come and visit while home on vacation but her parents died relatively recently so she is all alone." I felt like there was a hand on my heart squeezing, I looked up into my fathers kind eyes and thankfully he threw me a life jacket, "I know your really busy Edward but I would consider it a personal favor to me if your could come by now and than and keep her company." I pretended to consider his proposal for a moment and than nodded, "I will be back tomorrow" he smiled and patted me on the back, thank you son please don't forget to leave my lunch in my office!


	16. A Note from the Author

**Author's Note**

Guess what kids, I finally got a Beta for this little story!

If you have this story set for story alerts or, if you have me on author alerts you will soon start receiving alerts that new chapters have been added to this story.

My amazingly awesome Beta is re-formatting and editing this story and the chapters will be replaced one at a time causing alerts to be sent out.

Once the story has been fully edited up to the current ending I will change the status of the story from completed to in progress and finish this lovely tale.

Thank you everyone!


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